The Retirement Mindset

This will be a brief discussion as I’m not sure what that means, and I’m not currently planning on shifting to the retirement mindset anytime soon. My long term plan has always been to pay off the mortgage and remain debt-free before we think about a self-sustaining income/lifestyle. Due to the COVID-19 layoff, we’ve been granted the opportunity to explore those realities sooner than planned.

Thus far, it seems that if we decided to really buckle down and eliminate most if not all discretionary spending, then we’re already capable of living on my pensions alone. Notice the plural. The pension I draw due to my service-connected disabilities has been a key source of income now that I’m not earning any sort of a normal salary. We, fortunately, had a bit of an emergency fund, just because our checking balance had built up to a decent level by the time of the layoff. That balance has been slowly dropping, but there’s also been a great deal of arguably discretionary spending as mentioned in the last post.

We’re going to try and cut way down on that for the next few months and see if we can get that balance crawling back upwards. At our present payoff level (essentially the minimum), our mortgage should be paid off in about five and a half years. We had been paying it off at about three and a half times the required amount for the three years since I switched to fee basis, so we made quite a dent in the principal. We’ve been paying the mortgage off since late 2013, so we’ve managed about twenty-five year’s worth of payments in under seven years so far. Once the mortgage is paid off, that should free up about 1.5K in monthly expenses. We’ll still have the rather high property taxes and insurance that are just part of living where we do. I sometimes wish they had a state income tax and would pass on some relief to property tax rates, but I doubt that will happen anytime soon. Our property taxes and insurance are the equivalent of many people’s rent.

The biggest concern with the reduced income is if we get hit by a large financial requirement like home/car repairs, major dental/medical expenses, etc. If we had a few of those in succession, we could quickly drain the remaining cash balance we have at present. If I’m able to return to work in the next year or so (hope), then the goal is to build the cash reserves up a bit more and then work on paying off the mortgage. If I’m able to sustain the work level I had previously, this should be manageable in about two years. Having the mortgage paid off will give us quite a bit more breathing room. At that point, any work that I did would be mostly for discretionary income purposes. I can see working one day a week indefinitely at that point.

So, I don’t know if I’ve adopted the retirement mindset just yet because I’m hoping to be able to return to work and if I’m being honest, I don’t want to completely cut out the ability to earn discretionary funds by virtue of the odd shift here and there.

The COVID-19 Languish and Other Updates (including DIY tedium, consider yourself warned)

This may be the biggest gap between posts in several years. As of my last updates, I was laid off at the end of March, and here we are four months later with no end in sight. This pandemic has shifted mindsets and people’s general philosophies of life and work, and I’ve been no exception. I’ve not been depressed or succumbed to a long term funk, but there has been a shift in purpose and a slowing of pace. I was already ambivalent about many things that other people obsess over, but these tendencies have coalesced further.

To the surprise of no one, the current administration has not only grievously mishandled the pandemic, but they’ve also arguably taken actions to make it worse for most Americans. The US has suffered the worst outcomes from this plague, currently with over 140,000 deaths and nearing four million confirmed cases. Multiple republican lead states tried to rush back into normal operations way too soon and are now seeing spikes in their numbers, notably my home of residence, Texas. Thankfully, the rich have continued to get richer in no small part at the hands of the republican senate and white house. I very naively thought that even they would still possess a shred of ethics and human sympathy given the international disaster, but their greed knows no bounds.

At work, they have nationally adopted a three-phase return to normal operations plan that is mostly based on delaying routine and non-life saving care until the numbers plateau and begin to decrease. It appeared our first efforts to lock down and distance were having a beneficial effect on the trends, but the rush back to “normal” has dealt some severe setbacks so the VA needle has gone back to zero at present. In a recent presentation, the director in Dallas predicted that we were only 1/8th of the way through the pandemic, meaning it would take two years to run its course. There has been some promising news about successful vaccine trials in the UK and elsewhere, so it remains to be seen if we may see a viable and available vaccine by year’s end. That being said, I can only expect our current executive branch will find a way to screw that up as well.

Right now I’d be happy to return to work in 2020, but it’s feeling more and more like it will be 2021 or even later. We’ve been trying to keep our heads above water financially, and so far we’re still holding on. Our cash reserves have dipped from their pre-layoff levels, but we’ve also had several unplanned (and not necessarily essential) expenditures. Among these were a new lawnmower, several new tools (cordless drill, oscillator, etc.), new bulb for the projector, new battery for the Highlander, and the single biggest expenditure - the Gandalf/Frodo masters collection statue I had put a big down payment on last year. I would never have made this purchase in our current situation, but it’s a very limited edition and I would have forfeited the down payment if I canceled. It’s rare enough that I know I can sell it for a tidy sum in the future, although I have no plans to do so.

The tool (and supplies) purchases were part of a DIY project to finally run ethernet to all the rooms upstairs as well as make a modest upgrade to my switching setup. The layoff has shifted a lot of my priorities and I’ve been spending more time on cooking and DIY projects. I’m still practicing guitar, drums, keys, and vocals although bass has been neglected for several months. I also lost the spark for writing, drawing, and Korean language study but I have plans to resume. My typical day has been wake-up/coffee/casual internet, walk the dogs, exercise, and then some combination of practice with maybe some cooking depending on the amount of leftovers available. This is generally followed by maybe some reading, video games, and then television/movies/youtube.

With every day being a blank canvas, I don’t typically push things too hard to completion knowing I’ll have plenty of time to finish them in the future. This has resulted in the ethernet project being strung out over several weeks, although this has partly been predicated by incremental purchases as I’ve realized I need additional items. Ultimately, I’d like to have all my various rooms wired for ethernet and able to access the home network for file sharing at the best possible speeds and security. I’m essentially already there for the critical rooms and I only need to install one more drop in the “Forge” as I’m now calling it. This is the combination drawing/craft table and guest bedroom. The ethernet drop will go in the wall behind the tv and is not a high priority at present. It’s more likely to become useful if I ever place an actual PC or Mac in that room.

I’ve set up a “server” (sans server at present) closet in the video room, along with all the camera supplies. Eventual plans include custom-built shelving along the walls and probably a server rack (and server). These are long-range and likely more dependent on whether I return to work, especially the server. In the immediate future I need to organize the clutter and implement some cable management. I’ve got the ONT cable run from the garage up through the drum room closet and into the attic, then across the attic to my server closet.

A single ethernet cable runs from there to the wireless router in the home theater. This serves the entire house for wireless internet. It feeds a cable that runs back to the old location in the master bedroom closet where a switch feeds drops to several downstairs locations. These came with the house and are unused at present because Aeyong only uses wireless (phone, iPad, MacBook), but I’m leaving them connected in case. Two cables come out of the switcher back up into the attic and feed drops in my control room and drum room, respectively. These were run after we moved in by milestone electric and my recent DIY forays revealed the piecemeal nature of their work.

The installer essentially just found the path of least resistance so he ran the ethernet drop for the drum room down the same hole as the electric wiring and I haven’t looked up close, but I’m guessing it’s the same for the control room. Thankfully this doesn’t seem to have negatively affected the performance, although I may move those drops slightly in the future, time and motivation allowing. I’ve done enough rerouting of cables in the attic that I now have a good idea of where everything enters and exits, so it’s a bit more straightforward, but still a huge pain in the ass. The basic message from my attic is stay out and don’t waste your golden years.

In the process of rerouting cables, I needed to drill down from the attic into walls in several locations including the garage, drum room/closet, and video room. It took a bit of rooting around to find the desired locations, so there was a fair amount of drywall sawing and top plate drilling. I learned in the process that the upstairs wall of the drum room is offset from downstairs by about 6-12 inches. This was discovered by drilling up through the wall of the garage into the floor of the drum room, which, as you may have guessed, was unintentional and highly undesirable. After more measuring and brainstorming, I ultimately decided the best route would be through the drum room closet, as it appeared to be directly above the garage wall where I wanted to come in, largely because that’s where ATT has their breakout box to convert the fiber to ethernet.

Because of these multiple attempts, drywall repair was needed in several places in the garage, drum room, and one small spot in the video room. I also needed to put some spray foam installation to seal those unintended holes in the drum room floor. The initial repairs have now been completed, and just yesterday I sanded the first coat of drywall mud that had been applied. I also decided to try and fix up the rat’s nest of cabling behind my home theater rack. This consists of a new wall plate for the speaker wire, coaxial (direct), HDMI for the projector as well as a small control module for the universal remote/projector. I started that process yesterday and I’m thinking I’m about halfway done. In a recurring theme, the installers of the speaker and ethernet cables went with the easiest possible solution, so I’ve got a metric crap-ton of cabling that was just haphazardly passed through a big opening in the wall.

I was able to install a four-port ethernet jack for the feed from the ATT modem as well as the feedback from the router that runs back to the old master closet switch. The other two ports are active but aren’t needed at present. The router has eight ports, so these have been enough to accommodate all the needs in the home theater proper. I was able to separate the speaker cabling so I will now have the lines from the speakers terminate behind the wall into the plate and then have a separate cable that runs from the plate to the receiver. It’s all connected by banana plugs on both sides. I hope my audio signals (not to mention all the other connections) don’t suffer any degradation due to these attempted upgrades. Worst case scenario, I can always re-run the cabling if necessary, but I really hope I don’t need to do that.

I’ve still got several steps left in this current project including a (hopefully) finish coat on the drywall, texture, and paint. I’ve still got a few small holes in the garage to patch, although they should be a breeze compared to what’s preceded them. I’m also considering adding an electrical outlet to the server closet, but I’m going to save that until all the low-voltage stuff is done and dusted.

Thirty Years Today

On this day thirty years ago, we were rushing around Seoul by cab getting papers stamped and swearing oaths, and at the end of it we were married. It was a strange experience, but part of the normal process when a Korean national and American got married while still in Seoul. We had an agent to assist with the paperwork and she escorted us around to all the various stops. I can’t remember where, maybe it was the Seoul version of the justice of the peace, but we finished a set of paperwork and had to ask “Are we married now?”, and she excitedly responded “Yes!” and we kissed and hugged in front of a lot of confused onlookers.

Not the most momentous of ceremonies, but I can say the success of our marriage is more important than any pomp or circumstance. We were told that 80% of all Korean-American marriages fail within two years and that the number just increases with time. I think the person quoting that statistic (my commander at the time if I recall correctly) was pulling it out of his ass, but it’s probably true that more than half fail over time, as that’s true of all marriages if I have my numbers (sourced from a similar entity) correct.

Our marriage has lasted because we complement each other perfectly. We talk about the most important things and we’re always there for each other. We’ve been through some rough times and we’re going through some again, but we always have each other’s backs and know we can depend on one another. All the hollywood and romance novel drivel is meaningless over time. We truly love each other and that’s shown in our day to day actions, not a bunch of ephemeral gestures. I mean, I have bought gifts, flowers, cards, etc. but all that stuff fades with time. Always being there for each other is what has held us together.

Fully in the COVID funk

Which is not as bad as actually having Coronavirus, I’ll readily admit. The combination of being laid off, existential angst, and uncertainty have cast a pall over the proceedings in the past few weeks. I haven’t been motivated to do any of my usual practicing, studying, or creative endeavors. It’s mostly been the basic daily tasks (exercising, household chores, walking/feeding the dogs) and then maybe a bit of cooking and otherwise passive activity like reading, watching television, or playing video games.

The reduction in work schedule hasn’t been the biggest adjustment because I was already only working part-time. It has been a challenge to accept being laid off indefinitely, however. Watching our money, it appears we’ll be able to do okay for a long time if not indefinitely, but this is assuming no large scale financial or other disasters are added to COVID-19 and being laid off. We’ve already experienced a few unplanned expenses, which is honestly fairly typical in the grand scheme. I had already decided to start mowing the lawn again after our service had jacked up the price for the third year in a row. This on top of the fact that I’m pretty sure they stiffed us for two weeks worth of service at the end of last year.

With my reduced schedule at work, it only made sense to start cutting the lawn again. It’s only about a 90-minute job and the additional sunlight and physical labor won’t hurt. As luck would have it, storing a lawnmower for over three years plays a bit of havoc on the engine and fuel system. The carburetor was stuck open, so the fuel immediately began to leak out after the fill-up. I replaced the carburetor and did a bit of cleaning up and managed to get it started. It was chugging a bit so I cleaned up the now very old spark plug and can’t say whether that helped or not. All that to say at best it sounded like an asthmatic hay fever victim with Coronavirus after attempting a marathon. It was huffing and puffing with even the sparsest grass and the plugging of the carburetor leak revealed a few additional leaks on the backside of the engine.

Assuming it was going to be a cascade of equipment failures leading to parts replacements yet never achieving a satisfactory end result, I made the command decision just to replace it with a new mower. I attempted to buy one at Home Depot but found they were social distancing customers and the queue looked like it might take 30-60 minutes just to get into the store, with no guarantee they’d have what I needed. Being that the lawn wasn’t yet at the critical stage of shagginess, I decided to look on Amazon and found an electric model by the same company as the chain saw I had purchased last year. I’ve been pretty impressed with the power the chain saw motor generates, so I was more willing to go against the lifelong convention of small gas engines on mowers. So, new lawnmower is inbound for Wednesdayish.

Present circumstances have conspired to diminish the significance of this week, which is our thirtieth wedding anniversary. I think I had mentioned a few posts back (in the journal maybe) that we had canceled our travel plans several weeks ago, just assuming that we’d either be on lockdown or that it would be the prudent decision to get out when refunds were still available. So, that out of the way I still wanted to mark the occasion, so I’m thinking I’ll bake a carrot cake. Aeyong always loves them and it’ll be something different to try out in the kitchen. I need to gather a few ingredients depending on which recipe I plan to follow.

In Today's Episode of "Morbid Meanderings"...

This persistent period of mourning that began with Neil Peart’s passing and continued with Lyle Mays has left me waxing philosophical in a morbid vein. I’m not sure if I saw someone post a list of songs to play at their funeral or not, but the thought has occurred to me in the past. My problem is choosing a workable list, there are just so many songs that represent who I am, as music has been one of the great defining qualities of my life. But, I never let an insurmountable task discourage me. Plus, I won’t really have to worry about it because I won’t be here when it gets played (assuming anyone will give enough of a shit to notice).

Below are screenshots of the original list, which spiraled out of control. I made the decision to create a shorter list (YT and Spotify links below) that represents the more important songs in a sort of existential vein (whether they made me sad, happy, or led me to ponder the meaning of it all).

Again, I know it’s morbid and I have no plans on going anywhere for several decades, but no one knows the hour of their death.

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL7CHkcAZAvbcmjFdg4QCN302455Zac76s

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1FRwzMvlqS97eJ12IIIJTM

RIP Lyle Mays

Indeed the soundtrack of my late teens and all the years after, Lyle Mays and his work with Pat Metheny left an indelible mark. Sadly, his candle burned out much earlier than any of us could have expected. Just about a month after Neil Peart’s passing, we got the news; it’s been a rough year for my musical heroes. It’s hard to quantify just how important he was to the band and how important his music has been in my life. Lyle was the heart of the Pat Metheny Group, an anchor in the sound and often giving a backdrop from which Pat could roam freely. But, he was also a fantastic soloist and improviser in his own right and would always find the perfect counterpoint and contrast to Pat’s melodic wanderings.

The music of the PMG was something that captured my heart in a time of my life when everything was possible, and I still had this naive and boundless optimism about the future, both for myself and humanity. I’m still a dreamer at heart, and although time has tempered my faith in others, it hasn’t diminished my love for Lyle’s music, and it’s a devastating loss to see him go so young. Even more bittersweet to learn from Pat that they were planning on collaborating again, and maybe revisiting or adding on to As Falls Wichita. I can only find comfort in the vast body of work he was able to create and know that it will always be there for the millions of others touched by his music. RIP brother, I’ll miss you dearly.

Still Mourning

It’s several days after the news broke about Neil’s passing and I’m still having a hard time processing the loss. Tributes continue and sparse details have trickled out from friends and musicians who were aware of Neil’s diagnosis. I’m experiencing this grief in waves, similar to the loss of my parents, close family and our pets. You’ll see an image, read a passage of lyrics or prose, or hear a song and it will all come back suddenly. I’ve been reading through Ghost Rider, watched a bit of Rush In Rio, and I’ve listened to several interviews or retrospectives that have been posted online.

We will pay the price,
But we will not count the cost

I think many Rush fans are coming to terms with just how significant the band and Neil have been in their lives. This pain goes deeper than almost any I’ve ever felt. There’s just such a weight to the loss, decades of music and words. I’ve seen a few people say it was like losing their father or uncle. I think most of us felt this way. The paradox with Neil was that he was private to a fault and very uncomfortable with adulation from strangers. We all know the famous line from Limelight - “I can’t pretend a stranger is a long awaited friend”. Despite this, in his lyrics and prose, Neil was very open and descriptive about his thoughts and feelings on so many subjects. I think we all found ourselves connecting with him on each album Rush released and each book he wrote.

Neil lived a life of passion and curiosity, something for which we all should strive. He read, traveled, and just experienced more than many lifetimes worth compared to most of us. The great irony and tragedy in Neil’s life were that those who he held most dear were torn away from him suddenly and it was several years before we knew that he would make it back among us, although forever scarred by the loss. Fast forward to their last tour and Neil’s retirement, not just from Rush, but from drumming. We all lamented the end of our favorite band, but we understood and celebrated Neil’s chance to live out his autumn years and watch his daughter grow one day at a time. Sadly, it seems like it may have only been months after the final show that he was given the terminal diagnosis. It all seems so unfair, and as Neil described in “Ghost Rider”, the idea of karma tends to fall apart. What did he do to deserve this fate? Nothing, not a damn thing. The universe doesn’t care about you, it never did. Draw some joy and fulfillment from every waking moment if you can, because one day it will be over, maybe much sooner than you expect.

A caller into Eddie Trunk last night was saying he had a friend in the Rush camp and apparently Neil was in hospice as of November, although he claims he was held to complete secrecy. There’s no way to verify this, but it has the ring of truth at least. I’m not sure why, but that little bit of additional information at least gave some closure, even if it’s reliability is in question. He also said that as of Monday last week, Neil had become unresponsive and it was on Tuesday that he passed.

Eddie Trunk had briefly touched on the idea of what the future might hold. Until Neil’s death, I think most of us thought there still might be a little gas in the tank, whether a one-off performance, a new song, a book, whatever. Now we know that Rush is truly over and we have their body of work to comfort us in the years to come. Eddie talked about the possibility of a memorial show, and although I think it’s way too early, the idea does have some appeal. Something along the lines of Freddie Mercury’s Tribute Concert would be a beautiful way to celebrate Neil’s life. They could bring on any number of the scores of great musicians who cite Rush and Neil as big influences. I think we’d all love to see the likes of Mike Portnoy, Gavin Harrison, Marco Minneman, etc. get behind the kit and play one with Geddy and Alex or at least their respective bands performing a Rush tune. Dedicate the proceeds to cancer research. I also would love if Neil had written anything in those final years that we might eventually see its release, although I would totally understand if he didn’t have the will to write something or if it was kept private for those he loved dearest.

Even if nothing new comes from Rush and/or Neil in the future, I’ll forever cherish the great memories, music, and words that have brought great wisdom and provided such fulfillment all these long years. RIP Neil, I love you and I’ll miss you so much.

There have been a few pictures that made their way into social media, including these two below. The first appears to have been a get together with bandmates Geddy & Alex and producer Kevin Shirley, who brought the heavy Rush back on Counterparts. Below that is Neil with his long time drum tech, Lorne (Gump) Wheaton. It’s clear Neil had lost a lot of weight and his health was fading, but nice to see him smiling with those he loved the most. I only hope his dearest friends and family had time to say goodbye, I’m assuming the knew and did.

Farewell, Professor

It was via a text from my old friend, Matt, that I first learned of Neil Peart’s passing. It was a gut punch out of nowhere as most of us had no idea Neil’s situation was dire, just assuming he was enjoying his life after retiring from music back in 2015 at the end of Rush’s final tour. Soon, the tributes came pouring in from far and wide, posts from professional musicians and his legions of fans worldwide. Most of us knew we had said goodbye to the band as an active entity, but I think we also expected we had many years before we would have to say a final goodbye to our heroes.

I held hope that we might get some more books and maybe even some music, even if they never toured again. Alex and Geddy’s answers to questions about the band’s future had been a bit more final sounding in recent years, but I don’t think anyone thought it meant someone had a terminal illness.

It’s still hard to process how big this loss is to me. Rush has always been my favorite band for so much more than the music. Neil, Alex, and Geddy have always represented everything I’ve held dear in life. They’re all incredible musicians, fathers, husbands, family members, friends, and citizens of the world. My world view is very close to theirs, whether we’re talking religion, politics, philosophy, work ethic, etc. I’d easily be friends with any of them if they were just regular guys from work or the neighborhood. I think most Rush fans have seen them more as family than as these lofty rock icons, which they all are.

Neil was the voice of Rush. His lyrics changed with the times and as the band grew older they morphed from the concerns of youth to those of adulthood and spanned the micro to the macrocosmic. Early forays into fantasy, science fiction and the philosophy of Ayn Rand moved on to real science, religion, history, current events, etc. and captured everything from the wide-angle lens down to the intimate and personal. If there was an issue I cared about during the last forty years, there’s a good chance that Neil and Rush wrote a song about it that evoked the essence beautifully and distilled it down to a level that portrayed the significance perfectly.

There are so many songs and verses that have stuck with me over the years. I’ve said many times that “Subdivisions” was the most specific song that directly reflected exactly what my life was about at a moment in time. None before or since have nailed it so perfectly. I’m the geeky kid walking alone on the sidewalk in the video, then and today. Neil and Rush told me it was okay to be that kid, that it was a story just as important as those popular kids riding in their open convertible laughing at us loners on the fringes.

Any escape might help to smooth
The unattractive truth
But the suburbs have no charms to soothe
The restless dreams of youth

Too many hands on my time
Too many feelings
Too many things on my mind
When I leave, I don't know
What I'm hoping to find
When I leave, I don't know
What I'm leaving behind

You know how that rabbit feels
Going under your speeding wheels
Bright images flashing by
Like windshields towards a fly
Frozen in the fatal climb
But the wheels of time
Just pass you by
Wheels can take you around
Wheels can cut you down

If we burn our wings
Flying too close to the sun
If the moment of glory
Is over before it's begun
If the dream is won
Though everything is lost
We will pay the price
But we will not count the cost

When the dust has cleared
And victory denied
A summit too lofty
River a little too wide
If we keep our pride
Though paradise is lost
We will pay the price
But we will not count the cost

And if the music stops
There's only the sound of the rain
All the hope and glory
All the sacrifice in vain
(And) If love remains
Though everything is lost
We will pay the price
But we will not count the cost

There are so many more moments of perfection in Neil, Alex and Geddy’s body of work, it’s impossible to capture succinctly. I’ll be grieving Neil’s passing for a long time coming, and I’ll be revisiting the music, videos, books, and the mountain of Rush memorabilia I have scattered around my house. I’ve lost one of my greatest heroes and there’s no replacing him.

A Few Milestones

Today marks nine years since my retirement from the Army, and it’s been overwhelmingly positive in retrospect. I got a good job, moved back home, and have spent a significant amount of time furthering my development as a musician, songwriter, and producer. There have been ebbs and flows over these years, some times of drama, but mostly a nice steady arc to the days. We got a great house six years ago, and I’ve been enrolled at Berklee Online for the past several years. Aeyong has turned our yard and house into a natural conservatory of sorts, and we’ve got a beautiful green space that envelops our house and will only shelter us further with time. We lost Bridget to the inevitable march of time, but have since welcomed Skittles, our Chihuahua mix and resident spoiled princess of the brood.

I spent about five and half years working the regular grind as a federal employee, but about two and a half years ago I switched to “Fee Basis” which is somewhat equivalent to a contractor, but without the contract. I get paid directly for the work and there’s no ongoing agreement or contract that binds either the VA or myself. That being said, our clinic has had Fee Basis examiners the entire time I’ve been there and long before as far as I know. That switch is probably the single biggest improvement in quality of life I’ve ever experienced, even compared to my retirement from the Army. I went from working full time to working nine days a month and earning twice as much. This is largely predicated by my ability to perform a large number of exams and handle complex cases that the regular federales don’t like to bother with. It’s really been a perfect storm of an employment situation for me.

I’ve had significantly more time to work on my various passions, and I’ve added filmmaking, video editing, video effects, drawing, and writing to the multitude of musical disciplines that provide great fulfillment and purpose to my life. As part of the added boon of income, we’ve been paying our mortgage off at more than triple the required amount, and so we’re hopefully going to see it paid off in the next two years, about twenty two years ahead of schedule. There’s one big milestone that we need to pass, and that’s another salary waiver approval for Fee Basis employees. The VA has been allowing Fee Basis to earn double their normal authorized annual salaries due to shortages of personnel and it’s been a policy that’s required renewal every two years. This year marks the end of a two year period, so we just need one more approval. By all signs it should happen because the VA has been one of the departments that’s seen expansion under the last several administrations.

Once the house is paid off, I intend to keep working at about the same rate I do now, but being completely debt free will put us in a position where we could probably survive without me working at all. I like the extra security of financial surplus, not to mention discretionary income, so I imagine I’ll keep working indefinitely, albeit on the reduced schedule which will eventually decrease even further. A lot more has happened over the last nine years - we’ve both passed fifty and it’s receding below the horizon, we’ve attended a lot of great concerts, and taken a few small trips. We plan to travel more once the house is paid off, although we’re limited by our dogs and some health issues. It can also be argued we’re both home bodies who really enjoy living in our own little world.

File under short term milestone, I’ve quit practicing any musical instruments for the past month, trying to get this chronic elbow tendonitis to fade away. It’s been in the left elbow for almost two years, and the right elbow started acting up a few months ago. It’s just the cumulative effect of playing so many different instruments - guitar, bass, drums, keyboards. It got worse when I bought acoustic drums and had been working on my double stroke by repetitively practicing the stick bounce off the drum head. That shock is transferred directly to my lateral elbow and it really has taken its toll. The problem with the elbows is that we’re constantly using them, and even something as trivial as picking up a coffee cup or tearing a piece of paper can tweak the injury. I have seen some improvement in the symptoms, so I’m hoping to start gradually re-introducing some practice to my schedule starting next month.

One benefit of the extra time is that I rekindled my interest in drawing and writing (which have been gathering dust for years) and I’ve made some progress, although I have a long way to go. I look forward to combining all my various disciplines into great storytelling in the future.

Fanning the Embers...

It’s been a fairly busy summer, with a few new areas of focus in the wake of social media disconnection. As I said last post, I deleted my main FB account from the last ten years and I’ve been spending significantly less time on social media. I had a dummy account “Fred Garvin” (heyohhh) and I was using that to keep up with bands, etc. but I did want to maintain a page for Pyramid Grid so I ended up creating an account in my name for the band and deleted the Fred Garvin. This account will only be for the band and keeping up with concert announcements and the like. I haven’t added any friends and don’t plan on it. I’ll see how this works out. There’s significantly less time spent checking FB and it’s essentially removed all impetus to post the trivial.

This extra time has been shifted to more reading and starting to rekindle my interest in writing. I’ve been slowly going through Neil Gaiman’s Master course and there has been a lot of additional recommended reading. I also started another drawing course on Udemy and it’s my intention to keep slowly working on these renewed goals for my eventual plan of combining mixed media in storytelling. I’d love to combine original drawings with animations and video effects to use in music videos and short films/bits.

I’m also slowly making progress on the model building with the primary goal of finishing the soldiers and environments for the Christmas Armistice video. I’ve been watching a variety of miniature and diorama making videos and this is another area I intend to investigate further. I’ve loved miniatures since I was a child and I’m interested in this just as a pursuit but it definitely could be used effectively in filmmaking.

I probably don’t need any more interests, but I can’t help my nature. As of now, I’m regularly working on guitar, bass, drums, vocals, songwriting, production, filmmaking, video effects, drawing, model and miniature building/painting, as well as writing. This change in work status has really enhanced my ability to pursue those creative urges I’ve held dormant for so many years. I’m eternally grateful.

Below is my first ever proper drawing. The Udemy course starts fast with a tutorial on this eye and the instructor takes you through the various steps of line/shape drawing, shading, etc. I even surprised myself in that I’ve never been able to just spontaneously draw with any great realism, although I’ve never given it much effort. I think this particular task was well chosen in that it probably looks more difficult than it really is. The next step is learning to focus more on an object we are drawing than the page. I need to draw a variety of household objects with a focus on lines, shadows, perspective. I have a feeling these initial efforts will be a bit humbling compared to my relative sensation of success with the eye, but this first project was a nice bolster to my confidence.

Disconnecting

In a theme visited before, I’ve decided to break away from Facebook, at least as far as having a personal account. I find that at its best, it’s mostly a distraction. I don’t have anything significantly negative to say about it, just that most things related to FB are superficial and don’t provide long term value. I’m not condemning the superficial in general, I enjoy watching mindless movies and television (to an extent) that only provide the momentary entertainment, and will continue to do so. I find with FB that my hopes and aspirations are generally so self contained, that they don’t change through that lens at all. As Neil Peart so wisely wrote, “Sometimes our big splashes are just ripples in the pool.”

That’s not necessarily bad, it’s just there’s such a disconnection between the amount of effort you put into a project compared to the typical feedback that it starts to dilute or obscure the value of your creative work. The long term value of anything I produce is admittedly only of lasting value to me, as much for the love of the process as the product. I had hoped FB would be a nice ancillary means of staying connected and socializing, but it just seems that for me I don’t typically get a benefit from the shared experience in that I’m either not interested in what people are posting, or I have a negative reaction to it. That’s totally on me, I’m not judging anyone else for what they post or care about, it’s very personal. I think it probably gets back to the fact I’m inherently a lone wolf by nature, and although FB was a nice controllable(ish) means of social interaction, it’s just never felt like it was enhancing my life. In fact, it’s mostly felt like a distraction that was taking my attention away from more important things with lasting value.

That’s not to stay I’ve sworn off FB completely. I have an anonymous account (friendless) that I use to stay up to date with bands, authors, etc. - essentially all the stuff I love that has a strong FB presence where they often choose to announce major events like concerts, album releases, etc. I’d hate to miss a presale announcement for someone I truly love just because I wasn’t checking in to FB in a timely manner. The nice thing about this account is that it’s purely for that, there’s no social interaction otherwise.

For my creative work, I’m obviously maintaining this blog and will continue to primarily use YouTube, although I may start posting more to Vimeo. No one really gives a shit, including my wife, so I’m just doing this for myself, which has always been the case in the first place. I’m already reaping some rewards in that I’ve been able to focus more on study and composition. I just started to flesh out another new tune after completing the recent “If Tomorrow Comes.”

Failures - the greatest teacher

A collaboration with another guitarist fell through recently. I think that ultimately the issue was one of communication. The other guitarist had suggested we work on a song together. Having not really collaborated with anyone, I was eager for a chance to see what it could bring. I suggested a cover song by a band that featured two guitarists in dual lead type roles so that we would both have a sort of chance to shine. Now, full disclosure, this other guitarist is advanced beyond my current abilities. He’s posted covers of Van Halen, Eric Johnson, Yngwie and many other great guitarists. I had no illusions going in that I was going to need to raise my game.

I suggested something by Judas Priest, Iron Maiden, Thin Lizzy or some equivalent band, assuming the hard rock or metal genres would be more to his liking. He suggested “Bloodstone” by Judas Priest, I’m sure in large part because there are multi tracks available and we could use the original vocals and other parts as needed. So, we’ve been working on this project for a couple of months now. I’ve done all of the heavy lifting when it comes to the mix, and the video editing as well.

He had waited until I recorded drums before starting on his parts, since drums are typically always going to be the foundation. I finally recorded drums about a month ago and we’ve been slowly adding bass, rhythm and he had finished all his parts to include the entire solo. His parts sound great, he clearly has honed his cover game.

I had been a bit lazy in listening to the original track, as I've never really cared about getting a cover exactly note for note. Some may say that’s a cop out, and they may be partially right, but I know for certain that I just don’t care about trying to mimic someone else’s song to the nth degree. That being said, I do see the value in learning the most difficult parts, just to raise your playing to a level you apparently aspire if you like a song well enough to cover it.

So, as I started to record my parts, he quickly noted some problems. I was playing a rhythm part differently than him, and he wanted our parts to match up. I think he’s ultimately correct in this case, it probably does sound better for the rhythm parts to lock step. So, I fixed that in fairly short order as it was a simple oversight. But, it does start to illustrate where small fractures were forming.

Without ever discussing it specifically, I gather he assumed we were going for a faithful rendition of the original. Now, as I said before, that’s really not my thing. I honestly don’t get it, you’re never going to sound as good as the original and what would be the point? I get it as an academic sort of exercise, because you can learn a lot about the player, the recording and songwriting process in general. But, when I’m recording a cover I try to stay close, but I don’t sweat small variations.

I had been making regular comments and suggestions about how I would record my parts and I had stated early on that I wanted to divide the solos up, so that we both would have our chance to wail a bit. This song is like many Judas Priest songs in that both Glenn Tipton and K.K. Downing have solos. The Glenn Tipton is the initial solo and it’s a pretty laid back and easy part. It’s followed by K.K. Downing, and his solo is “The Solo” of the song. It was my intention all along that we would divide both sections so we both would have part of the Tipton and K.K. bits.

The K.K. solo wails from the onset, and there are two fairly distinct parts to it. The first part is a single position sort of classic rock riffy bendy part and then there’s slight pause and a fast descending triplet bit. I’ve been working on the whole thing, but I knew I was going to take longer for the second half. I had said a few times that I thought I would divide it up that way, with him getting the bulk of K.K.’s solo including the descending bit and some other bits after before there’s this pedal ascending section we could play in unison.

Like always, I have to divide my time among many disciplines - guitar, keys, drums, bass, vocals, video editing, visual effects, cinematography, model building, etc. I don’t choose to spread my focus in so many directions, it’s just about following my muse. So, it had taken me awhile to finally get where I thought I had a passable version of the solo.

Another note is that I had been using tablature that although perhaps wasn’t note for note accurate, it was pretty close to the original. The original track is very noisy, and there are definitely parts in there where it’s a true challenge to hear what K.K. is playing. All that to say I wasn’t sweating getting it exactly “right”. I don’t see the point.

Well, I recorded my solos yesterday and frankly I thought my part of K.K.’s solo was my best playing on the song so far. I don’t mean it was the best playing on the song in general, I just know myself and I was happy with my take. I was a bit surprised when I very quickly got negative feedback from the other guitarist. I didn’t save the conversation but it was essentially “I don’t like it.” Now, in fairness that may be just be unbridled truth. I gather he wants to get it note for note and in that metric, it’s definitely going to fall short.

What I didn’t hear was what specifically he didn’t like about it. Tone, bends/intonation, rhythm, clarity, vibe, all of the above? He suggested I take the Tipton bits, he play the KK bits, and then we play the last pedal bit in unison. If we were in a JP cover band and we played other songs where I would get “The Solo”, the scenario would be different.

I think the fundamental problem here is that we both see ourselves as lead guitarists. I’m not trying to argue I’m of his caliber, at least not yet. My idea with dividing the tracks up was so that we both would get a moment to share the lead but I was still deferring more than half to him, and it’s the more challenging/impressive part of the solo.

Without saying it, I’m getting the feeling he’s always seen his role as the main lead guitarist and I was the rhythm guitarist who might chip in with a simple line or two. There’s nothing sinister about him feeling that way, it’s just not how I see myself. If he had suggested I work on the part some more and made specific mention of what he felt was falling short on my part I would have likely listened and made an attempt to get closer to his expectation. I still don’t see the point, but I was trying to be a team player.

All that to say, I felt the tone of our whole collaboration went demonstrably south when he criticized my part, suggested he play the whole thing without giving me an out to fix whatever the problem was. I didn’t ask for that, and maybe he would have been receptive if I had, but I feel like I’m right in assuming he wants the lead and has all along.

Which is totally cool. I get it. I’m cut from the same cloth. So, after all this very considerable rambling, I realize this project was probably doomed to failure from the start and I’m just as complicit. I’ve known that I likely would never want to be in a band with another lead guitarist. I know there are many great bands who have successfully achieved this relationship, but a big part of my assumed band role is going to be as a songwriter and I’m not likely to want to turn over guitar roles to another player. I have no problem with another instrument doing their own thing, but I want my own space dictated by me, not someone else.

I thought we could find a happy medium where we would both get a chance to shine, but I feel like he wants to be the Lead Guitarist in any scenario. I’ve learned that I will not likely function well in collaboration with other guitarists, at least if they see themselves as lead guitarists with an equal editorial say.

The only negative thing to come out of this is I think it’s probably put a strain on our friendship and that’s too bad. The blame is probably on me. If I feel like someone is being disingenuous (note, feel, not know) about something I just lose trust and it puts up a wall. Ultimately this is just a cover video, it’s not important in the grand scheme of things. But, I start to wonder at all the positive comments made in the past and how genuine they were and how genuine any in the future would be. I felt like I finally got the real opinions about my playing, and unfortunately they were distinctly different from all others before.

As always, failures are the greatest teacher. I have learned that I really need to work more on my playing, both for playing entire takes at a level adequate for recording audio and/or video and that I’m not at a level as a soloist that I want to be. I’ve also learned that before going into a project with anyone I need to ensure that roles are strictly spelled out. I doubt I’ll do a similar project anytime in the future. If I want someone to play on a track, I’ll likely finish all the other parts first and then let them know exactly what I need. I’m not saying I’ll never collaborate with another lead guitarist, but I’ll make sure I go in with eyes wide open next time.

Back to school

Back at the books tomorrow after a very long break. 2018 was a strange trip for many reasons. Drama on many levels, mostly external. A repetitive strain injury shifted my music focus for several months and its effects still linger, albeit not as limiting as before.

I’ve decided to accept that “Christmas Armistice” will not reach its final form for a long time. I think I have a path forward for a much improved version in the near future, but I’m putting my idealized version on the back burner as further study in new disciplines is required.

Ironically, the performance videos were once the “heavy lifting” part of these projects, but that’s now the easier component. It’s all the post production tasks that require an elevation of my skill set. My problem is that once I achieve one step in a project, my mind starts wandering and I get all these ideas that require a whole new set of skills.

Feels good man...

Perhaps in another episode of premature fowl tabulation, I'm just sayin' that it feels good to get back into the regular swing of things where I can wake up each day and prioritize my schedule based on my personal wants and needs, especially in the area of musicianship. I haven't received feedback on either of my final assignments, but I'm relatively confident I should be good for this semester. I received my grade for my final sight singing test, and although I didn't smoke it by any means, I was satisfied with the 86 I received.

This should ensure no worse than a B in that course, and although it screws up my lifetime 4.0 with Berklee (as well as being my first B since 1996), I'm not sweating it because as said before, this course was fairly contrary to my current musical goals.  Full disclosure, I had been phoning it in on the solfege and conducting portion since about the third week. I was basically faking that portion just to receive credit for the course knowing that if I did ever put an effort into those skills it would be further down the road. There were many assignments where I had the opportunity to raise the grade if it was less than an A but I never cared enough to bother. 

Despite this, I am endeavoring to forge ahead with ear training and I intend to make it a regular part of my practice schedule. I definitely learned something during this course and I want to capitalize on that instead of letting it atrophy like I did after the first ear training course. The big difference is that I can go at my pace, and at least for the time being I won't have to focus on the solfege and conducting like before. 

In other news, it feels great to get back into a regular practice schedule. It's not only part of my development as a musician, it's been an integral part of my mental health and well being these many years and I was sorely missing it. A short term goal is to work on audition for the Berklee Online Guitar Program. I think I've settled on "The Spirit of Radio" for the electric piece and "Letter From Home" for the acoustic portion. We only have to submit one example but I thought I would perform each of these and then put it up for a vote on social media (assuming anyone would bother to listen & comment). 

Drama on television or record is great, elsewhere not so much...

It's been a tumultuous couple of weeks at work and somewhat at school. At work we're hopefully near the end of a cycle that saw one of our doctors going off the rails. She was named an acting chief while they were looking to a hire a new permanent chief after the illness related departure of our former permanent chief.  To distill it down to a few sentences, let's just say she had a bit of a power trip and was butting heads and attacking several people in the clinic. 

We had been friends and supportive co-workers for many years but had a falling out a few months ago when we disagreed about implementation of the Gulf War illness policy. She's relatively new to government service and thought it was within her authority to implement the policy as she saw fit. It isn't, and she can't. But, in most cases we're willing to let individual providers rationalize their own opinions on cases as long as they understand they'll have to defend it if it's appealed or a complaint is filed. But in this case, and as part of her newly acquired (if temporary) authority, she decided the policy needed to change for the whole clinic and had directed our schedulers to change they way they scheduled these exams. 

This is where our big disagreement arose. She has this idea that if a claimed condition doesn't fit within a medical diagnostic criteria, then it's not valid. Something I've tried to explain to her for years is that our specific corner of government service is not strictly concerned with medical criteria. We work in disability claims and it's equal parts legal and even political. The entire philosophy of our claims is based on uncertainty. Our opinions typically include the statement "at least as likely as not", which basically says that if our determination of a claim is that it's fifty/fifty parts for and against the claim, then we grant the claim. 

Compared to what's happened between her and other people in the clinic, this has been pretty tame. Until she decided to go around me and accuse myself and our program analyst of inflating exams unnecessarily.  I have been a fee basis provider for over a year. This means that I am compensated by the exam. In the case of Gulf War exams, they tend to generate not only exams for conditions but also opinions for each condition. So, if a veteran claims four conditions, it results in eight total worksheets and I'm paid for each. The typical claim can generate from ten to twenty exams. Occasionally, that number can go significantly higher. 

I had an exam a month or so ago that was for around twenty claimed conditions but it also generated an equal number of direct opinions as well as fourteen or so Gulf War opinions. It ended up totaling fifty three worksheets. This is the highest number I've ever completed, and it's not typical by any stretch. A typical day for me is around twenty exams. I'm not sure if this is the exam which she questioned, but if not it was a similar one. I've had a few in the forties and many in the thirties. It should be noted that the FTE often don't reach these numbers in the course of a week, much less a day. 

My previous post history tells the story of the relative level of productivity among regular federal employees. Let's just say that they typically underachieve, at least compared to my levels. To make a long story short, she basically accused me and the program analyst of stealing money. Because she questioned the validity of the claims (going back to our fundamental disagreement of Gulf War), then she surmised that meant that any Gulf War related claims/opinions were invalid and shouldn't be billed. Like I said before, she doesn't have this authority. No one at our level has this authority. This is national policy and you're not allowed to take away from a regulation to suit your own needs. For what it's worth, my performance of these exams and opinions was directed before I was ever fee basis and had specific approval by the former chief (on more than one occasion), not to mention that the whole policy was directed by VBA personnel outside our clinic. It's a well established and approved policy that has been in place for a long time before she got here. 

All of this scenario is rather tame to what else she has been doing. To keep it short, let's just say she's accused others of outright fraud, abuse, and even having sex in the clinic. It's all bullshit and an attempt by her to discredit and destroy anyone who's crossed her path. I avoid psychoanalyzing in general, and also because I'm not qualified, but I think her specific pathology has something to do with growing up in an authoritarian regime which tends to encourage similar behaviors in those victimized or oppressed once they possess any power. She's demonstrated a feeling of superiority over others, including her own MD/DO peers. She has never understood that her authority as a doctor is strictly clinical. In the federal system, and in our country for that matter, we don't recognize social castes. Although we do have great inequalities in our country, we don't recognize our defer to people because they are part of a ruling class or aristocracy. She seems to think differently. Although some actions are still pending, it seems apparent they are going to remove her from the temporary position and her application for the permanent position would likely be dead in the water. Honestly, I hope she has enough personal shame to resign from the department if not the government as well. 

Although I know myself and our program analyst didn't do anything untoward or dishonest, it's still stressful to have those sorts of accusations hanging over you, because if they were true they would likely result in termination as well as a permanent black mark on our records. Mostly the stress derived from uncertainty to how far the accusation would go, and that the people passing judgement would be strangers who might be given incomplete and biased information. It appears that nothing will come of this for now, but it's still very troubling to face a sudden unexpected threat to your livelihood. As I have discussed with our program analyst, this was the ultimate betrayal and bridge burning offense from which a person will never come back. 

Steadfast

A year of freedom

This week marks one year as a contractor (fee basis) in my previous job. Fewer workdays, better compensation, and I'm almost exempt from the typical workplace drama (almost). Job security is lower in context, but otherwise there's really no downside. Our mid-range plan is to pay off the house and then we'll reassess. We may stay where we are, we may still pursue that house in the country.

This last year has seen the completion of several original tunes and videos. It's been a great year of development in most creative aspects. I'm not over the moon about anything I've done so far, but I would at least call all my projects successful in achieving what I had in mind in the beginning, and even moreso as learning processes. I expect my highly d̶r̶e̶a̶d̶e̶d̶/̶i̶g̶n̶o̶r̶e̶d̶ coveted creative efforts will likely only increase.  Not that I need more interests, but I've taken up drawing as part of my overall pursuit of visual arts. I hope to combine music, video and illustration in various ways. 

More frequent blogging here

I took a brief hiatus from Facebook. In a periodic reassessment of my life's priorities (a process I engage in every few months to years), I've found that FB for the most part was not adding much of value to my life. At its best, it provides an easy portal to engage in actual conversations with people who share similar interests or otherwise are friends/family. It seems for me that the overwhelming amount of time I spend on there is just reading through a bunch of meaningless posts, getting the same "news" regurgitated by various pages/people, and at best getting a random "like" for anything original I post. Unfortunately, there is still the occasional nugget of valuable information (I wouldn't have found out about King Crimson coming to Dallas until too late without FB) and I'm subscribed to a student group through Berklee where there are occasional important notices.

When I first started posting "original" content (including covers), it was nice to have at least a small audience from which to receive feedback. I greatly appreciated the friends and family who would indulge these efforts because I know I'm the worst about wanting to watch or listen to something if I'm not in the mood. 

The problem became that over time, FB becomes this self perpetuating process where you feel validated by the completely trivial "likes" you receive, even if they only reflect a mouse click. How much effort does a mouse click take? I know I'm pretty generous in giving them if someone posts anything I find remotely entertaining. I'm not complaining about the people on FB, everyone has their own lives and honestly probably don't even see the majority of stuff that any one individual is posting. 

So, all that to say this is where I'll be posting more of my occasional ramblings. I had been using FB for that and it was a nice convenient means to quickly document a thought or picture that others could comment or interact on, although that was rare. I'll still use FB but I'm learning to divest myself from any expectation of feedback or outcome. It may eventually be an artist portal for my various creative works in the future, and in that case I may setup a separate page. 

Back to music centric posting...

I finally posted my Life On Mars cover video (version 3.5) to youtube and shared it on facebook. I decided to just post it as is in the weekend before I resumed my studies at Berklee. I knew I wouldn't have the luxury of time once classes got rolling. At the time I had a few run throughs of the mix, but planned on re-visiting the audio mix at the end of the semester. That's still the plan as of now. I've already learned a lot in the past few weeks so I'm confident I can obtain a much better result at that point. 

I'm not happy with the musical performances, but they do represent what I was able to create given a short window of time. I performed most of the parts on individual days (I think I performed both the drums and bass on the same day?) and then worked on the audio mix and video edits on subsequent days. My approach for videos has been to keep performing entire takes until I get one that is acceptable and stopping there. I'll have to figure out tactics for punch in type approaches for video. Recording myself performing the music on video/audio is a complicated process and that's when I'm capturing complete live takes. If I were to attempt to capture punch ins like I can do with audio, that would add just another layer of complexity that I'm not really ready to take on for a cover video. I might consider this for my own music in the future, but then I would likely not try to present the performance as a continuous unedited take. 

The response was generally positive from some close friends. I think the ones who actually took the time to comment were doing out of friendship as much as their actual enjoyment of the performance. I still appreciated it though, my overall ego is fairly bullet proof but my artist ego is a delicate flower at times. The musicians and musicophiles from whom I was hoping for feedback gave it the standard facebook "like" but didn't comment. I'm assuming that's their diplomatic way of telling me I need to keep working on my craft. And I appreciate that. My ears are good enough to know my version isn't going to make it on any top 100 Bowie Covers lists, for that matter it wouldn't make it on a top 100 Life On Mars covers list. But it's a work in progress and this represents a moment in time. A few short years ago I wouldn't have been capable of putting together, and I would have been lacking in the confidence to share it with anyone. 

Midsummer(ish) Update

Work continues on the Life On Mars cover video. I actually had a "complete" version of all the music, and was relatively happy with it. But, in one of many learning points during this project, I gave a listen to the original (which I should have been doing more often) and realized my intro was just too fast of a tempo. I had tried various ways to approach the order in which I laid down tracks. I think drums first is still probably the best way, although in this tune they don't come in for the first minute. After learning that I really couldn't keep track of the drums while trying to play with the original, I tried using a midi version of the song with which I could include a click track and that seems the best approach. 

There are multiple ways to approach this sort of incremental song construction. Due to problems with latency, it was important for me to keep the recording setup between the drums and my DAW as simple and uncluttered as possible. Latency is a killer with drums and percussion if you're trying to record in time. I managed to get a version down that was close enough for my satisfaction. I did end up making some minor timing corrections, mainly for the occasional rushed kick drum on the "and" of 4.  

Probably the single biggest challenge of this project is that I'm recording to video.  Making corrections to timing mistakes and the occasional clam note is easy in a DAW, but trying to get that synced up to video becomes exponentially harder. There are ways around this with creative video editing, but it was important to me that the foundation of the video was going to be good performances on all the parts as the baseline. Although I'm mainly doing this for my own entertainment (and internet points, because, internet points), I have felt this might serve as a sort of audition tape that I could use as needed for bands, further academic endeavors, etc. 

My approach has been to keep attempting complete takes until I get one that's close to "perfect" (my version, not Rick Wakeman's). I then stop recording and know that I will use the last takes. In some cases this might be the 10th+ take overall. 

Once I looked at the rough draft of the video performances and had worked on the mix (I was on version 14 or so), I realized I just wasn't going to be satisfied with my version if it didn't have the same vibe as the original. I never desired or expected to make a perfect note for note rendition that would sound exactly like the original, but I felt like my version was too rushed and too produced sounding. It was lacking the dynamics and character of the original, and that's kind of the whole point. 

I resigned myself to have another go at the intro, as that was the biggest problem and I managed to have a "decent" go at the piano part yesterday. Although it was useable, I was suffering my version of a hangover after drinking four beers the previous day, and I wasn't giving myself the best opportunity for a good take. I also realized that my approach to the green screen needed some work. I've learned a small amount about videography, and one thing I've gathered is that your green screen needs to be as flat and "invisible" as possible and it needs to be lit appropriately. 

Looking at my various takes, there was a variety of lighting and screen real estate occupied by my green screen backdrops. I think for my project, the best approach will be one where the green screen completely occupies the background. There may be future projects where I have the green screen as a sort of object in the background that doesn't necessarily fill up the screen. 

All that being said, I need to re-shoot the entire thing so that I can have a consistent lighting and size for my green screen. I am learning to never see an individual performance as too precious. This is a growing process as I learn to accept not every take will be perfect, but become willing to keep trying until I get as close as I'm capable. I know when I've done my best, and that's usually when I'm just practicing or playing without the "red light".  The good thing is that I've learned to get over red light syndrome because you can always make another attempt. Part of the comfort level comes from really knowing the part well and having confidence that you can play it right. 

Tying in to that was finally settling on an arrangement from which I would build the song and giving myself time to practice it. I think I've decided on just playing the intro piano part independently without a rigid timekeeper and then locking in with the drums at the first chorus when they initially come in. I may tweak this as I discovered that the intro was fairly close to 113.5 beats per minute, but then it increases to 128 at the first chorus. It sort of slows down again at the end of the guitar interlude, but returns to that during the rest of the song. My dissatisfaction with the piano performance largely stemmed from timing and feel issues related to trying to play to a metronome/backing track when I had been accustomed to playing it more freely. 

Dealing with this tempo change has been instructive and it gives me some experience for the future as this issue will come up again. I'm definitely convinced that you need to ensure you practice the piece exactly the way you intend to record it. This seems obvious, but in this case I had been playing the piano part for so long that I didn't think this would be much different. And it wasn't really, but it was different enough that my playing become too mechanical and lost the vibe.

As mentioned, I'm also planning on tweaking the camera setup. My plan now is to use my GoPro and iPhone cameras so I have at least two angles of each performance. This just adds another layer of complexity, but I always enjoy performance videos with multiple angles (if done well) more than just the simple straight ahead shots. The GoPro is ideally suited for "neck cam" on the guitar and bass, and I'll also be able to get some alternate overhead shots as well as a shot of kick drum performance (this will be used sparingly, but I like this angle on drum vids).  

The ostensibly biggest obstacle in this project (famous last words) is getting the piano and drum performances down solid. These are the two that I tend to make the most mistakes (albeit few/small) compared to the vocals, guitar and bass. I find repeating takes of those performances is less arduous and time consuming than piano and drums. My plan is to approach it in this order - drums, piano, bass, vocals and guitar. My main reason to redo the bass & guitar is because I want the additional camera angles and I need to fix the way I use the green screen. I also need to help Aeyong install a window blind for our little half moon accent window which is still letting too much natural light in which can illuminate behind the screen and that's a problem.

Another impetus to repeating the entire process is that I've purchased my next equipment upgrade, which is the Slate Virtual Microphone System. This is comprised of a large diaphragm condenser microphone, preamp and a software based modeling system that models microphone, preamp, and compressor (as desired).  This system was announced a few years ago, but it's just now hitting the market. I've heard all positive reviews so far, but I don't know that it's hit enough of a market saturation to be certain.

Based on the microphone alone and considering its price point ($1K), it's a good upgrade from  Blue Baby Bottle (which is still a great mic) and should fill a niche for several years. Philosophically this system is the microphone equivalent of the AxeFx. As the technology has progressed over the years, modeling has narrowed the gap with analog gear, and most listeners don't know the difference. I've always embraced technology and I while I love analog gear, I also love the digital stuff for the flexibility, variety and power it provides. The three microphones it models (at onset, more will be added later) would be way beyond the wallets of all but the most successful (rich) producers. It models the Telefunken 251, Neumann U47 and Sony C800G microphones. Bought on the market (especially for classic versions), this three mic locker would likely run upwards of $50K.  Of the reviews I've seen so far, people are having a difficult time telling the difference between the original and modeled versions. I'm not sure how much I buy that, but for the price and what's a decent sounding (extremely flat) microphone it's more than worth it. It will be interesting to try this new mic out on the vocals for this project. 

There are more aspects to the video project to come, to include filming our dogs in various costumes against the green screen and the subsequent film editing and use of effects. These are all essentially new skill sets I will develop as part of this project. I'm always going to focus on music first, but an occasional video project is fun and a way to keep it interesting for the short modern attention spans (including mine).