Yesterday was a good day

I actually got some work, albeit only two opinions and not enough to pay for a typical load of groceries, but still, it was nice to get something. I also managed to score the highly coveted toilet paper, paper towels, and a few other desirables from Sam’s Club. I resumed a few of the disciplines - drums, vocals, and guitar, which, after several days off, felt like a victory. We’re just slowly transitioning into our new normal. I plan to resume my regular DTD schedule, and I think mentally it's just a matter of sorting out what we could as well as managing to stock up on essentials for the next several months in most cases.

Ultimately, I think it’s the uncertainty that impacts motivation the most for me. Once I feel like I have a good idea of what’s in store, and I’ve done what I can to prepare for it, I can focus my attention back on the creative disciplines. That’s not to say we know the future, and it’s still impossible to predict exactly how everything is going to play out. We’ve seen a mixture of actions at the local, state, and national levels to “flatten the curve,” but it will still be weeks to months to determine the results.

So far, there have been requests, mostly at local levels for help from healthcare providers. There have been a few emails about volunteering at other VA sites that are facing shortages, but it’s been a mixed bag. I’m not sure if I’ve said it here or not, but I’m more inclined to answer a call to return to active duty than I am willing to put myself at the disposal of VA leadership. My experience, admittedly anecdotal based on my nearly nine years in the same clinic, is that I’ve seen leadership fail on some of the most basic and routine critical tasks. There’s a mixture of incompetence and ambivalence you’ll see across the VA and the federal government, and it doesn’t spare those in leadership positions. Arguably it’s the more professional and reliable people that ascend in responsibility, but this isn’t universal.

In times like these, most people do raise their game to meet the task at hand, so I would expect some improvements in all areas for those answering the call. That being said, most of the efforts are ad hoc and improvised since the scope of this pandemic caught most by surprise. I have no problem going into harm’s way to help out, but I have more faith in Army leadership to plan and assess risks, and only put personnel at risk when it’s mission essential. Not that the Army doesn’t get it wrong, it’s made of humans with human failings, but as an institution, it is much more proactive and rigorous in planning and learning from past mistakes.

It should also be noted that not only do I not have any critical care experience, I also haven’t worked in primary care with any regularity since 2007-2008. I don’t think I would be much of an asset on the literal front lines of COVID-19, but I might be able to help as backfill for the regular patients while so many resources are being dedicated to the pandemic. We did receive an email from Army HRC soliciting feedback on interest from retired medical personnel. As far as I know, it’s only been information gathering thus far and there haven’t been any recalls. They had a list of several medical jobs, but PAs weren’t on the list. It was mostly critical care and respiratory-related specialties.

I’m standing by to see if this changes and they start actually recalling retirees, specifically my specialty. At that time, I’ll give it serious consideration if it’s an option. If it’s an involuntary recall, then the decision is already made for me. The main drawback is that I’m the sole caretaker for Aeyong, and if I got called away for 1-2 years, she would have to fare on her own for the most part. We’d probably find a way, but it would be a big challenge now that she’s accustomed to me being here most of the time. I also worry about her chronic health issues and the ability to fight the virus if she becomes infected. As we’ve seen, even the most healthy-appearing individuals can get very sick, even die.

My philosophy towards this is the same as it was for combat on active duty. I had answered the call to duty by enlisting, and combat was just one of those possibilities you accept as part of the oath. I didn’t hunger for it, but I also didn’t resist or try to avoid the duty when it came time. I feel the same way about COVID-19. I’m not actively looking for opportunities to volunteer based on the multiple factors mentioned, but I’ll answer the call if it comes. This may seem a bit crass, but I’ve had experience in multiple large scale efforts where a whole bunch of people just show up wanting to help, and I while I commend the spirit, my experience has been that it’s much more effective when leaders and planning personnel can request and place those skill sets in the ideal situations.

As a nation, even though we ascended the incidence list several days ago, we haven’t seen the worst this pandemic has in store I don’t think. The number of cases and fatalities will continue to rise and it’s nearly impossible to predict how these scenarios will play out at local, regional, and national levels. We’re trying to mentally buckle down for the ride and do all we can to limit the spread of the virus and prepare to help out as needed. Right now the main message we get from any leadership is work remotely if you must and stay home if at all possible. We’ll see where this leads us.

We're still perched on the cliff...

…in the US at present, in my opinion. The cases have likely hit that level of exponential spread, but our testing is so limited (pitiful) that the numbers are probably severely underreporting the prevalence. Right now, the CDC is reporting 15K cases as of yesterday. Worldometer (not sure how reliable this is) is showing 19K cases in the US with 276 deaths. Johns Hopkins is showing a similar 19K. JH is showing 429 cases in Texas with 5 deaths. Mind, these are confirmed/tested. I’m sure the actual numbers are much higher.

We’re continuing to shelter in place and plan on several weeks if not months more of this to come. Many places, including California and New York, have essentially gone on full lockdown except for essential services, but Texas and several other states haven’t followed suit. At this point, I fail to see the downside of being conservative, but I think many leaders are driven more by economic considerations than disease prevention.

I still haven’t heard anything from work, but I’m assuming it’s only a matter of time before they shut us down as non-essential, at least for C&P exams. I know the VA will remain functional, and it’s possible their mission may shift to caring for civilians as well. As before, I’m preoccupied with this timeline to the extent that most of my typical pursuits/disciplines are not drawing me in as normal. I’m spending part of each day following the news, completing odd jobs/household tasks, and then after that, I’m only finding the motivation to read a bit and then play video games or watch television.

https://coronavirus.jhu.edu/map.html

Decent week, maybe the last for awhile

By week, I mean two days of work with decent sized cases. Enough for a month+ of groceries, probably more considering we’ve bought so many dry goods that will keep for a long time. I braved the wilds of Sam’s Club yesterday, starting with a drive-by recon and seeing that there were no lines snaking out the door, I decided to stop in. There were lines at the cash registers again, but only about halfway back in the store this time. TP was sold out and I noticed a lot of people were buying water, which is probably not necessary, assuming infrastructure won’t collapse, but I went ahead and bought another case as an emergency backup for any scenario, including tornadoes, etc. Other dry goods were depleted, but I managed to get another five-pound bag of flour, so that should keep us eating for a while. The biggest challenge is the short term perishable produce and the like, these typically need resupply at least weekly.

The situation at work isn’t much different since last week, there was some more specific guidance for triaging and patient flow of suspected COVID-19 cases, and they have restricted patient visits to appointment only. The VBA regional offices have also announced that they aren’t accepting walk-ins for Veterans now, but they will remain in operation at present. They’re trying to get us set up for remote access, but I wasn’t able to get it working yet. There are always several hoops to jump through for this stuff. I’m going ahead and ordering a CAC reader in case that will make it easier. It would be a huge change if I was able to check email and my schedule from home. I wouldn’t have to depend on others to send me emails at my personal address whenever something changed.

I think we’re still right at the edge of the cliff. We’re about to see that exponential rise in cases and the real test of the American people, healthcare system, and the government will commence at that time. There are still a bunch of people completely ignoring the recommendations, including a lot of young adults and teenagers. This won’t hit home until someone they know/love gets sick and/or dies. Then it will hit home hard. The willfully ignorant are in for a rude awakening, but I have a feeling many of them will just project the problem onto others. The “leader” of this country has taken to referring to COVID-19 as the “Chinese Virus” and this has just fueled increased incidents of racism against anyone with Asian features. I’ve told Aeyong she needs to stay home for infection control reasons, but I also don’t want her at risk for any racial attacks. I know we have plenty of racists in Texas, and it cuts across all demographics. Just yesterday, I was talking to a psychologist that’s been in our department for a long time and she was regurgitating this idea of a Chinese manufactured viral weapon. She has a history of this, and although I try to avoid these conversations with her, I’m fairly confident she fits squarely into the Fox News demographic. A Ph.D. Education and rationality don’t always go together.

There are already several reports showing that the data overwhelming supports a natural, not manufactured, origin. Still, racists are going to race. They’re just going to latch on to whatever flimsy excuse they have to call someone out for looking or thinking differently.

Gainfully employed, for the present...

I got an email back from my scheduler and I have a patient for tomorrow as well as the already scheduled patient for Wednesday. As far as she knows, there hasn’t been any scale-back of the clinic schedule, but the requests for exams remain down from the normal (this has been an issue for several months). At this point, as long as I’m not symptomatic (or anyone in our household), I’m going to continue working as long as they can get patients scheduled. I’m going to stick with the belt-tightening until such time as the risk has been deemed as behind us, and the VA resumes normal operations.

This is assuming we’re going to see some downturn in operations, although this hasn’t happened yet. I think it’s inevitable that work will be down from the previous normal for several months, if not for the rest of the year. We had already been down and the coronavirus only stands to impact that further. I think I mentioned in a previous post that this will be an early stress test for “no income” living, even if unplanned and early to boot. I’m not sure we can maintain our bank balances with a mortgage payment, although we are going to attempt just that. If we reduced the budget down to the bare essentials, it may be possible but I’m not sure. There are a lot of large deductions that we haven’t rigorously budgeted for (health insurance, pet medical plan, auto/flood, etc.). We’ve always had plenty of money to pay these off immediately when I’m working regularly, so not only do we have to find ways to meet the monthly needs, we need to find ways to actually put money aside for these bigger annual bills.

I’m hoping that work won’t fall off so much that we have to make some hard decisions, but I think it’s still too early to tell where things will go.

Waiting for work updates

In an act of at least partial optimism, I sent an email into work to see if I actually still have a schedule. When I last worked on Wednesday, I had a single patient scheduled for this Wednesday but I was asking for a patient tomorrow (Tuesday) as well. I imagine the work situation has been very fluid since I left, so I’m wondering if there’s been any scaling back or shutting down of non-essential functions. I would definitely think C&P would be seen as non-essential, although I think the providers would still be expected to work. I’m not sure how this will impact fee basis providers in C&P, we honestly don’t have a precedent for this scenario, at least not since I’ve worked there. I don’t have much else to add at present, hopefully, I get a response and at least some partial clarification of what’s going on at work.

The Coronavirus Doldrums

Given the span of possible contexts, I suppose doldrums is preferable to crisis, disaster, pandemic. Oh, wait. From our vantage point, it’s really only through the lens of media and the internet that we’re even aware of the now labeled pandemic, per a World Health Organization announcement several days ago. The only visible example we’ve seen so far was when I went to our big-box retailer (Sam’s) on Friday, and the lines were as long as I imagine they’ve ever been. Most of the store was still stocked up, but they were out of everything from toilet paper to water to flour, sugar, salt and other dry goods with long storage potential.

From what I’ve seen online, many other places have been hit much harder. I’ve seen multiple posts from all over the US of completely emptied out supermarket shelves. To my knowledge, our logistical chain has never had to deal with a crisis of this magnitude. Regional markets in hurricane-prone areas have to go through this every year or so, but this is on an international level. The domino effect hasn’t struck just yet, and I’m wondering how much of an impact this may have on our economy in the future. It does warrant questioning the viability of our supply chain, which is so dependent on international manufacturers and shipping. That’s not a xenophobic comment in the least, it’s a practical reality that if we get so much from a country like China, and they shut down the entire country for weeks or months, the reverberations of that will persist for months and years to come.

Several retailers have taken additional precautions to keep shelves stocked and disinfected - Walmart and other 24 hour chains have started closing for 8 hours overnight so they can replenish stocks and clean more thoroughly. We’ve tried to stock up on all the dry goods and durables possible, but it’s unavoidable that we will need to restock short term perishables like fresh fruits and vegetables. I suppose we could find alternatives to even those if we had to. Something to consider for the next several weeks.

Another casualty of this forced isolation has been my motivation. I’m not depressed, it’s just my thoughts are focused on the impact of the virus and the prolonged loss of income I’m expecting. So far, I haven’t heard of any work stoppage, but I can only imagine that’s forthcoming. Our numbers had already been down for several months and I’ve needed my scheduler to perform acrobatic maneuvers just to keep me gainfully employed. This will only become more challenging as an increasing number of VA employees and patients are affected. As they keep repeating in the media, things will only get worse before they get better.

I’ve dialed back our mortgage payment to just barely above the minimum, ($2500, minimum $2487) instead of the $8000 we had been paying. We’re going to need that extra money for the essentials and even with that belt-tightening, I think it’s possible we’ll be headed to deficit spending. If push comes to shove, I’ll eliminate most if not all of the discretionary spending, especially subscriptions. I’ve already taken some steps in that direction, but have held off until I can get a better idea of what’s happening at the VA. The government is sadly often slow to react, and that’s especially typical at the VA. They did take some infection control measures fairly early on compared to the utter disregard you see in many places, but it’s hard to say from this vantage point what effect the virus is going to have on overall operations.

Most of my discretionary subscriptions can be paid for in a matter of minutes at work, so, for this reason, I’ve left them current, but basic necessities are the priority and after that would be paying off the mortgage earlier. My running mantra for several years has just been “pay off the house”, because after that we should be able to live on my pension income if necessary. It appears we’re going to get a stress test earlier than planned, and while we’re still paying off the mortgage. I’m fairly confident (because I haven’t rigorously reviewed the budget) that we have several months of cushion from where we sit. My pension income will at least pay for the mortgage, utilities, and there should be enough left over to at least make a dent in the basics like food.

We may slowly start to deplete our revolving checking balance if work at the VA is completely cut off. If I can at least pull the odd shift, even one day a week should be enough to cover all the necessities with even some discretionary spending for needful things that aren’t necessarily as critical as food, medicine, etc. I’m hoping all of this will blow over before we get to a financial crisis point, but even then we have options. I consider this a last resort, but we have enough in our TSP (401K) that if we took a withdrawal, we should be able to pay off the mortgage even with the fairly large tax hit we would take. I’m hoping it doesn’t get to that, but paying off the mortgage should put us where we could get by on pension income alone. All of this is predicated on the idea that I might not be able to work at all, and that’s certainly not my plan.

These sorts of large scale epidemics and pandemics are part of our future, I think. The United States needs to take a hard look (how many times has this been stated?) at our dependency on foreign goods and energy. There’s little reason that we can’t supply all of our needs from within our own borders, and even if we would still be subject to temporary shutdowns for epidemics, the residual effects would be briefer than what I expect will be coming in the months ahead. Corporations prove time and time again that profit is the only goal, and moving so much manufacturing overseas was completely driven by financial concerns.

The need for a social support structure (don’t say socialist, it scares people) that includes healthcare, jobs, education, housing, and the basic necessities has never been more apparent than now. Still, the Republican majority in all three branches of government is still proving their loyalty to big money, even now blocking the passage of emergency funding to allow Americans to get tested and to cover their short term financial shortfalls due to work stoppages and quarantine. It’s ridiculous that with the wealth of this country that we aren’t already prepared to test and treat as many citizens as is necessary. It’s been repeated often that we don’t live in a Democracy, and it’s true that the framers created more of a representational Republic than a true Democracy. But, we’re not even at that level. The old white men in power are serving their own needs and the needs of their wealthy benefactors. The rest of us are mostly on our own, and this has been evident in stark relief these past few weeks.

Shuffling towards Armageddon...

Okay, I hyped that title a bit, but it should trigger the memory if I review this post in the years ahead. We’re just on the edge of the cliff here in America, coronavirus wise. Each day seems to bring an incrementally more serious development and today I woke up to the news that Trump had suspended most European travel, the NBA had apparently canceled the season (which really seems crazy to me), and Tom Hanks and his wife, Rita Wilson had both announced they had tested positive for the virus.

At present, the CDC is reporting 938 cases in the US and 29 deaths. I think this number has to be way below the actual total, seeing that very few people can even get tested. Reading around the net, it seems private interests and individual citizens are taking the lead in getting information disseminated and trying to mitigate the rapidity of the spread. The earliest moves by the government (Trump) were trying to downplay the severity and prevalence of the disease, likely for financial and political reasons. This may prove to have grave consequences as things play out in the coming weeks and months. It’s vivid evidence (on top of the mountain that preceded it) of how incompetent and capable he is as any sort of leader, especially the country.

We’re fortunate in that we’re already sort of living the lifestyle that limits exposure since I typically only work 2-3 days per week and we only go out for groceries about once weekly. The only other recurring social interaction is concerts, and we’ve cut back on those quite a bit. Seeing the number of live events and tours that have been canceled, it feels inevitable that the upcoming shows in April and May (Who, Stones, Primus) are likely to get canceled or postponed. At work, there hasn’t been any forced stoppages or reductions in hours, but I feel it’s inevitable at some point. It will probably apply moreso to non-essential admin jobs since the healthcare workers will be needed to care for patients, but I’m curious how this will impact the FWOPC since they don’t have any inpatient capability.

I imagine my job as C&P examiner is going to take a further hit since we depend on exam requests from the regional office, which is all admin type jobs. We’re already planning to scale back our expenditures for the foreseeable future since we don’t know how long this might take to play out. As long as I can work and they get me patients, I will plan on going in and just following protocols. I assume we’re all likely to be exposed before this is over.

My hope is that this pandemic (per WHO as of two days ago) will serve as a wake-up call for disease and disaster preparedness as well as an example for the electorate of just how incapable Trump is at doing his job.

Tuesday workday

I somehow managed to quickly shift to the daylight savings time change this past Sunday, because 3 o’clock feels like it should, which is still early but the normal wake up time for a workday. The gradual health effects of laying off alcohol are still being felt. Not quite the same as detox, but a gradual improvement in relative energy and sleep.

The coronavirus is still dominating the news as I expect it will continue to do so. Work is still a going thing and as long as they’re open for business I plan on going unless I personally was feeling sick. I imagine we still haven’t seen the full-blown epidemic version of it in the states just yet. I’m curious how accurate a picture we’ll really get because the Trump administration has already proven they will lie, obfuscate, and cloud the picture for political and economic advantage. It hasn’t helped and has only likely made the situation exponentially worse.

Everything from national to local to private organizations has shut down or restricted operations in wake of the virus, in an effort to contain the outbreak. We haven’t seen anything large scale here yet, but it’s only a matter of time. If they cut back at work and I’m unable to get patients, we’ll just dial back financially and hunker down until this thing passes. We’ve been on the accelerated house payoff schedule, but that can be delayed for a few months (or longer if needed) if my schedule falls off at work.

This situation is just another reason why paying off the house has been the best plan. We could essentially live at home and almost never need to leave the house for anything other than groceries and gas for the car. We could even have groceries delivered if need be, although I think the relative risk of exposure compared to our brief trips to the store is about the same. Even though Sams and Walmart stay busy, it’s not like they’re packed to the gills and if you get stuff delivered there are still multiple hands touching it regardless. Hopefully, none of this will be necessary but we’re already in a long term habit of only shopping weekly or less often and we can shift that even further if need be.

I took Sunday off from most DTD tasks, although I did eventually exercise. Yesterday was a bit more productive, completing everything except vocal drills. I’m leaning towards are more guitar and drum focused schedule where I may just steal time from bass, vocals and even keys for awhile. If I had to pick two instruments to be more adept at, it would be drums and guitar. This has changed because I would have always said keys and guitar in the past, but I think drums are the area that will benefit me most compositionally. I’m not giving up on keys, bass, and vocals, it’s just that I really want to get to a higher level on guitar and drums that can be utilized in my songwriting.

I don’t think I’ll ever be happy with my playing, but there are so many inspirational players out there who constantly remind me that there’s so much room for improvement. I was already noticing a small benefit from the fretboard memorization drills, something I had kind of noticed in the past but never really committed to memory. There are only a finite number of notes and positions on the fretboard, so it only makes sense to get them memorized where you can immediately identify the note you are playing. This is really remedial considering how much I’ve learned in the past, but I just want to reinforce those fundamentals and then take what I’ve learned much further this time. The perpetual student - in large part this is where I find happiness and fulfillment.

I finished Dracula yesterday. The Coppola film did end up being fairly true to the original although some things changed in the adaptation as they always do. Dracula’s fascination with Mina and her similarity to his former wife are never a part of the book. In fact, the character of Dracula is fairly flat, more of an opposing avatar or symbolic force of evil for the main cast. We typically only see the outcome of his actions and his actual scenes are fairly brief with only the smallest amount of dialogue. His biggest or at least longest scenes all occur in the interactions with Harker at Castle Dracula, at the beginning of the novel. Still, it’s very effective storytelling and like I had mentioned before, reminded me of the Lovecraftian approach to tangential storytelling. I plan to read the rest of the novellas and short stories in this Stoker collection, but I think I may move onto something else for now.

I’m nearly finished with the Flander’s Victorian House book, so I’ll have to peruse my shelves and see what’s next. Maybe another writing craft book. I’m thinking for fiction I might pick one of the Brontes or maybe I’ll finally try and tackle The Silmarillion.

It's March and time for this year's credit card fraud

It appears our Visa (my number specifically, we have a joint acct with different numbers) has been compromised again. I can’t remember if it has been one or two years since last time. It seems like this is just part of the process now, at least if you use a c-card online with as many different merchants as we do. I’m not entirely sure, but there were a few charges for $25ish from a character called GOOGLE*Ivan on my account, and I didn’t recognize them so I asked USAA to cancel the number and issue a new one. The last time this happened there were a few smaller charges and then a charge for several hundred dollars appeared. I didn’t let it get that far this time. I will say that the process is pretty fast and you can immediately block the card if you’re worried about fraud. I’m not sure how many times we’ve had sketchy c-card activity now.

Our first experience was with BOA when someone tried to take all of our bonus points, which at that time were worth a couple grand. We got it fixed and then it happened again about a year later. I’m still thinking that had to be an inside job. We gave up on BOA after that and have been using USAA for everything since, although I do have a few other c-cards that I got purely for concert tickets. Those are coming in handy now while I have to wait for the new card. We’ve had a few other fraudulent transactions since then and we’ve always been able to cancel the cards and have the fraudulent charges refused. Luckily, there are so many c-card combinations that I don’t think we’re at the risk of running out of numbers anytime soon.

I’ve been feeling dissatisfied with my guitar playing recently (we call that Sunday), having been watching a few gear videos and just hearing other players’ ability to improvise chord changes and solos with such melodicism and fluidity. I allow myself to get into ruts, practicing riffs in support of wanting to eventually play a cover of something, but this isn’t really getting me anywhere as a player. Ironically, I was watching a Drumeo video that posed the question “Are you an intermediate drummer"?”, which I thought I must be at the beginning of the video, but by the end, I realized their metric for advanced is so high that I’m more aptly described as a beginner considering how many techniques they mentioned, many of which I’m not capable of performing. It’s much the same on the guitar. I have studied a lot of the fundamental vocabulary on guitar, including several courses at Berklee, but I’ve let those muscles atrophy and haven’t taken things any further.

I tend to get focused on simple techniques like speed (alternate picking, etc.) and I really should be focusing more on my ability to play in multiple keys, over chord changes, etc. I’ve decided to sort of reassess my practice regimen and I’m going to dip into the considerable volume of lesson material I already own. I’m starting with “The Path to Fretboard Mastery” which will help reinforce my knowledge and take it further. I can find all the notes on the fretboard, but I tend to use reference points and jump, as opposed to being able to quickly name a note in any position. This is just one of those fundamental skills you must have locked down. It ties into knowing some of the more common modular chord shapes, which I have somewhat retained from my Berklee class.

Knowing movable chord shapes, at least for triads and seventh chords can really open up the entire length of the fretboard and has definitely helped with compositions. I’ll go through this course and see where that leads me next. I know I have a few chord courses, including the Ted Green stuff that I’ve never fully studied.

Lastly, here in the US and around the world, the Coronavirus epidemic (pandemic forthcoming?) has been another reminder of the incompetence and negligence of this administration and many around the world. Trump is still trying to play for political points and his on air comments continue to baffle all within earshot. There’s the cruise ship that was quarantined and apparently he wanted to know if they kept it quarantined and didn’t allow the passengers to disembark if it would count against the disease totals. It’s a good question, we wouldn’t want to damage the re-election campaign for a few thousand lives. It’s not helping that the media is hyping everything as they always do, it’s all good for ad revenue, regardless if factual or helpful. We’re somewhat lucky in that we can handle sequestering ourselves at home for longer than most people since I don’t work full time and we have a bit of a reserve to tide us over if things shut down.

So far I haven’t heard anything at work about them closing or restricting the clinic hours/services, but I feel like it’s almost inevitable at this point. Luckily for me, I’m not ostensibly treating “sick” people. If my patients are ill, it’s a coincidence and not tied to the context of their visits most of the time. It’s also fortunate that I typically only see one patient per day so my relative exposure is probably not as bad as just running into Wal-Mart to grab a few things. I just hope all the dire projections are just that, projections that won’t play out as severe as some are suggesting. Some of these estimates would very quickly completely overwhelm our healthcare system.

Pedalphilia

Have to be careful calling myself a pedalphile, easily misconstrued, that one. I can’t say that I’ve developed a full-blown case of effects pedal obsession, but repeat viewings of “That Pedal Show” and other analog gear demos have me more and more interested in setting up an analog pedalboard. I’ve dipped my toes back into the analog world a bit since I switched to fee basis three years ago (actually as of yesterday, I think). I got the Hughes & Kettner Grandmeister 40 and a 65 Amps 1x12 cab a while back and later added the Strymon Blue Sky Reverb pedal. I finally got to the top of the Analog Man Tone King waiting list a few weeks ago, and so I’ve added that pedal as well.

I’m taking a serious look at getting a regular pedalboard and using the G2 switching system. I’ll likely add a few more pedals to the arsenal - distortion, compressor, tuner, modulation and maybe some wild cards. I’ve also given serious thought into getting a few more amp heads, likely in the low wattage range. There are great examples of these from most amp manufacturers. I’ve had my eyes on ones from Mesa, Friedman, and a few others. Of course, all this falls squarely into the “don’t need, just want” category, which describes most of my music gear. I’m not going to pull the trigger on this stuff too soon, but it’s fun to strategize and daydream.

I’ve been okay this week on DTD, although my only writing work has been this journal, which, although it might benefit me on a general level, isn’t furthering the craft by much. I need to get back into my lessons. It’s been a few days since my last drink, after skipping Sunday due to the Saturday hangover, I had the last two beers on Monday. Ironically, I had one of those early wakeups on Wednesday morning and couldn’t get back to sleep, so I knocked out my Korean study and drawing practice and completed the rest of the disciplines after work, except for bass. My elbows were aching a bit, and Aeyong had wanted to fry up some shrimp, so the cumulative standing including work had my back tired and I decided to chill afterward. All that to say I’ve been noticing the gradual improvement in health and well being. I ran for the first time in a few weeks yesterday, which always gives a greater boost to the mood and energy. We did some extra dry goods stocking up at Sam’s yesterday, just in case there is some kind of run on groceries with the Coronavirus panic.

I’ve neglected the Victorian house reading for several days, but I’ve been enjoying Dracula. The language is a novelty and it’s interesting just how much conversation patterns and language can change over the course of a hundred years. This is assuming that people actually talked like they do in this book, which does display a mixture of dialects and patterns, especially between the more educated main characters and the working-class side characters. The language of the cultural elite can be so flowery and expositional, as though the act of speaking was an art unto itself. This is a huge contrast to the Korean language I’ve been studying. It’s very direct and economical.

For example, in Bram Stoker’s England, a character might take an entire paragraph to greet a friend or colleague and invite them to lunch or for a drink. “My esteemed colleague, a many of many letters and degrees, who so loved the learned halls of Cambridge, and yay, in those days did draft many a treatise and manifesto for the impressionable young minds of London, gathering the wisdom of the ages and the world and imparting his considerable and acute thoughts in service of the betterment of the commonwealth, it was to he that I beseeched for the honor of an evening repast and a leisurely commiseration of days gone by over brandy and cigars…blah blah blah….”. In Korean, this would go - 안녕하세요, 브랜디 마시고싶어요? Which is translated as “Hello, do you want to drink some brandy?” Actually, it literally means “Hello, brandy drink want?” Romanized it sounds like - “Annyonghaseyo, mashigo ship oh yo? The tense is off there, but the gist is the same.

This is a bit of an extreme example since almost no modern speakers add all the filler material to a conversation, and in English, we will often ask “Hey, do you want to get a beer?” In Korean, this would be more like “Beer, drink?” or Maekju mashilay? All the pronouns, direct objects, conjunctions, prepositions, etc. are typically implied and only the most critical words are included. Still, it’s an interesting experience to study Korean and then read Dracula and other period fiction. Such a difference in culture and frames of reference.

Wednesday is my Friday

Here of late, that’s been the case as I’ve been working no more than two days in any given week, although not necessarily by choice. We’re into March and I’ve still not heard any updates on a waiver approval for fee basis, so it’s feeling more like it’s not coming. Given that my salary limit was higher than previously believed, I’m thinking we can still swing the house payoff by next Spring, so in the end, it won’t necessarily matter.

Today is apparently one of those days where I wake up about 3 hours earlier than planned and just can’t get back to sleep, so I give in and get up. There’s not much rhyme or reason to it, it happens randomly as far as I can tell. It’s usually preceded by a solid four-hour block of sleep or thereabouts, so it’s not like I didn’t sleep at all. I typically will lay there for another thirty or forty-five minutes before I decide to get up. I have the luxury of knowing I this is my last workday so today after work I can crash early or stay up late or whatever my body tells me it needs.

Part of my early wakefulness may be due to Super Tuesday results for the democratic primary and it’s starting to feel like 2016 all over again. Of all the candidates I can’t see any with the proven track record of Bernie Sanders, just as in the last election. Still, it’s feeling like we’re going to shoot ourselves in the foot (again) and present a candidate that will lose to Trump in the general. In a dramatic turnaround, Joe Biden, who had been coming in the third and fourth place in the early primaries and caucuses won South Carolina, and it appears he’s leapfrogged the entire field, turning this into a two-candidate race and gaining some considerable lead even on Bernie Sanders. Not all the results are in yet, but they called most states for him and so far I’ve only heard of a few for Bernie, although he did win California which is a big victory.

A big part of Biden’s momentum was built on winning SC and then having the entire DNC and corporate apparatus champion his cause, including getting two candidates to drop out and support him. The powers that be are doing everything they can to prevent a Sanders victory, and I just have lost all faith in the cognitive abilities of most Americans. People latch on to one criterion or two and ignore all the important issues that affect them directly. Biden is in the pockets of big business and has a track record of racism and misogyny in his past, whereas Sanders has been a champion of the common people his entire career. But with Biden, a lot of people still associate him with Obama and those singular details are enough to get his vote. That’s not a knock on Obama, I voted for him both times, but Biden isn’t Obama.

I’ve given significant donations to Bernie in both 2016 and this year as well, and I’m not giving up on him, but it’s starting to feel like the true powers that be in the world will do everything they can to stop a change to the status quo they have worked so hard to foster and protect. It’s a sad commentary and a reflection that we haven’t lived in a democracy or true representative republic in a long time. Might and money make right, and it appears they will consolidate their power even further in the years to come.

I made the mistake of mentioning it was election day to my patient yesterday, not thinking it was only significant for the democratic primaries. He immediately responded “something something TRUMP!!!!” and the look of fervor in his eyes was a little disturbing. I quickly changed the subject back to his exam, not intending to get into a political discussion, just trying to encourage people to participate in the process. He otherwise was a fairly rational and lucid person, although he did have that tendency I’ve seen in some Veterans of just going into a monologue about their issues and not responding to any direct questions unless you manually steer them the entire time. It’s absolutely his right (and one which he’s defended for all Americans) to vote as he sees fit, but I question how many Trump-supporting Veterans have truly considered all the issues as they affect them and their loved ones. He’s a proven draft dodger, misogynist, liar, thief, rapist, racist, and a malignant narcissist. The country and the world is burning down around us and things are only getting better for the ultra-rich, but the cult of personality is strong. Despite this, a significant portion of the electorate seems to base their entire vote on “these people over here disagree with me on this one issue, so let’s burn this fucker down and laugh at them in their misery”. I suppose it doesn’t matter that most of them will be sharing in the misery.

That’s about all the political discourse I want to include in my journal till the end of time, but it’s hard to completely disconnect from such significant issues. It’s a weird irony that our personal lives have generally gotten better every year, but this in large part despite the workings of the government. We’ve worked very hard for several decades to put ourselves in this particular situation, but I grieve for the future of our country and planet. The American people are letting things go to shit, and can’t be bothered to look up from their phones to notice the world is burning down around them.

Going out with a bang

This may be overstating it a bit, but considering the Opeth show was going to be my penultimate alcohol consumption for a while, I may have overindulged a bit. Four beers doesn’t necessarily sound crazy compared to some people you hear about, but it’s more than my typical and these were sixteen ounces, so it ended up being more than five typical beers. I paid for it yesterday, which was another example of how alcohol not only can diminish your life while you’re drinking it, but it also has a negative effect in its aftermath.

Feeling too hungover to accomplish anything of substance, I ended up just cooking some flatbread and later pizza, reading a bit of Dracula, and later just watching television while nodding off. I ended up not touching the three remaining beers in the fridge, my body was telling me to give it a rest. After a reasonably decent night of sleep, I’m feeling back to my old self but still feeling the bloat so I’m ready to start getting my act together. For the indefinite future, my only planned consumption will be the upcoming concerts, otherwise I’m giving it as long as I need to make some of those desired health changes I talked about.

The Opeth show was good, an okay sized crowd, although the venue was only half utilized and it wasn’t exactly packed in the pit, even though it seemed to be sold out online. The band and crowd were energetic and Mikael even commented that he was feeling good. Their stage show has grown a bit more elaborate, and this time they had a large video screen behind the band as well as one that was incorporated into the drum riser. Maybe I should say band riser because Joakim and Martin were also up on the higher section behind Mikael and Fredrik. They had mostly atmospheric video accompaniment to the songs, not unlike some of the typical Porcupine Tree and Steven Wilson shows. Mikael had even name-dropped them during some of the banter but I can’t recall the context.

I initially had a good spot about ten people back in the middle, but I was right on the perimeter of the bouncy castle (mosh pit) and kept getting hit, occasionally pretty hard. When it came time for a bathroom break, I just picked an open spot a bit more on Fredrik’s side and a little further back. That side eventually developed its own mosh pit as well, but I was back far enough not to be affected. I left about halfway through the last song, “Deliverance” (I know, sacrilege) which I heard them perform last time in full. I’ve grown accustomed to not having schedule disruptions and my body was telling me it was bedtime. All in all a good show and experience. I’d say I had a better time at the Gas Monkey show for Sorceress, mainly because I was against the rail right in front of Mikael and I prefer that venue over most in D/FW.

Today I plan to resume my regular schedule and I’ll need to hit the store later for my two-day workweek resupply.

Saturday means Opeth

At least this Saturday it does. I’ll be seeing them tonight at the Pavilion in Irving. One of my preferred venues all things considered - drive, parking, venue. The opener is Graveyard, haven’t heard of them but I assume they’re appropriately heavy. I’ll follow my typical practice and depart about thirty minutes before doors, 7:00 pm in this case. It’s been a fairly long time since my last concert, at least by my standards. Unless I’m forgetting something, Iron Maiden in September was the last show I attended. Over five months is a long time compared to my concert frequency for the past ten years or so. I’ve actually been enjoying the break and foresaw a decrease as preferable. As luck would have it though, there are several can’t miss shows this year - The Who (actually rescheduled from last September), the Rolling Stones in May, and Roger Waters in October.

The Who and Stones are two long time bucket list bands that I want to see at least once and I should be satisfied. Roger Waters is someone that I can’t imagine has too many tours left in him, but he keeps a pretty steady pace so there’s no telling and I’ll probably go see him whenever I can. That goes for a few bands like Steven Wilson and Opeth as well. I also got tickets for GnR at the new baseball stadium, and although this goes against my normal conventions, there is a pit and I’ve found that makes the gen pop experience much more tolerable. GnR isn’t necessarily a bucket list band since I saw them in 1988, but I was way back and it was hard to really take in that whole show. I’ve said before I thought Slash with Myles Kennedy was more enjoyable and I’m doubtful this will change my mind, but it’s another one-off I wanted to see.

Primus managed to pull a few nostalgic strings when they announced a tour in which they’ll play all of “A Farewell to Kings” followed by a regular Primus set. I haven’t listened to Primus that much, but I’ve been aware of their association with Rush (and Geddy has given his blessing for this tour) and so this seems like a worthwhile show to see. It’ll definitely be the first time I’ve seen the title track, Cygnus X-1 (full version), Madrigal and Cinderella Man played live, even if it’s Primusized. I’ve seen Rush play Xanadu and Closer to the Heart a few times. I also got tickets to Jason Isbell in August and will attend along with the Garrett boys and few old high school friends that I haven’t seen in thirty years - Tom Harris and Jamey Warneke.

I tried out the Nintendo Ring Fit yesterday, and I can say that it’s possible to get a decent workout, at least for my fat ass. They have enough variety so you’re exercising most major muscle groups - arms/shoulders, legs, core muscles as well as some cardio to boot. I’ve got some mild muscle soreness this morning but not as bad as expected. I assume my normal elliptical and running workouts, as well as the various instruments I play, haven’t allowed total muscle atrophy. I’ll probably continue using this program, maybe every other day or at least a few days a week. The limitations of the apple watch are evident with this program because I know I was demonstrably more “worked out” at the end of a thirty-minute session compared to my normal 45-50 minutes on the elliptical. That being said, my calories burnt was about half what I normally achieve on an elliptical workout.

Yesterday was otherwise a decent day. I DTD for the most part, although some elbow soreness made me skip bass practice. There are times where even if I have the mental motivation, I’ll decide it’s a better decision to rest if my old friend the repetitive strain injury is waking back up. I’ve been in a period of decreased severity with the symptoms, which has been nice and has afforded more practice time, but the symptoms have never completely gone away. They mostly manifest with guitar and bass, and so when I do practice I’m often stopping after thirty minutes when the symptoms start to kick in more severely. I’ve come to accept that I just won’t be able to put in several hour sessions on guitar/bass as long as it remains like it has been for the past few years. I try to pay more attention to fatigue and pain signals and I’ve also tried to notice anything I can change ergonomically to mitigate the issues as well.

Friday Fishday

At least I remember that being a thing in my early elementary school years. Probably not today, though. Yesterday was a relatively successful day. DTD (did the disciplines) - drums, vocals, guitar, Korean study, drawing, but unintentionally skipped anything writing related to include this journal, classes, or developmental reading. I did read another chapter in Dracula and I’m enjoying the elliptical or tangential narrative, even though the final outcome was spoiled long ago.

I’m curious as to how many of the original readers would have picked up on Dracula’s nature and how many would still be naive up to my current progress through chapter eight, after Dracula had already arrived in England and was just about to occupy his new estate. It all seems obvious to me now, but I imagine back then when vampire stories were still relatively obscure that many readers wouldn’t have deduced his nature yet. I think Stoker’s technique and prose are compelling and effective here, definitely something from which to draw inspiration.

I got the Nintendo Switch installed in the home theater and made some changes to my setup, moving the turntable to outside the rack and on top, what for the easier access. So far, so good. I’ve got the ring fit ready to roll out later this morning when I exercise, although I probably will have some calibration to perform at the beginning. I don’t think this will replace or supercede my elliptical machine and treadmill, but it will be good to try and work some long neglected upper body and core muscles.

I’m still on my gradual and very incremental progress in the various disciplines. I can slowly notice small things becoming slightly easier. My goal of a complete band cover is still a high priority. This is probably counter-intuitive and not necessarily what I really need on these various instruments, but my favorite bands are a large part in why I play an instrument and even if these projects don’t make me a more well rounded player, they are satisfying a long held desire as a musician and fan. As before, my first planned song is “Anthem”, mostly based on the idea that the drums will be an “easier” entry point into the world of Neil Peart. I can already say that there are techniques in that song that are new to me and it’s going to be raising my drum game to a level higher than most typical rock players.

I think I’m not far on the bass and guitar parts, although I need to groove those and get them completely under my fingers and I’ve yet to look at the guitar solo. I haven’t even toyed with the idea of the vocal and I may just record this as an instrumental although I have given thought to how I might adapt Geddy’s part down a few octaves to fit my voice. We’ll see. I need to nail the instruments first before I turn my thoughts that direction.

Wednesday Workday

It’s a rigorous schedule, but someone’s got to do it. Actually, my preference would be to work 2-3 days this week, but I’m still stuck with decreased demand and fewer big cases have been available as of late. I hope that changes, at least until we can pay the house off.

I’ve experimented with my daily routine in the last few days by putting Korean language study and drawing first and then practicing the various musical disciplines afterward. This has been successful so far in that it’s easier for me to maintain my motivation even if my mental focus is flagging a bit in the afternoon. I’ll keep with this for a while and see how it works out.

Another imminent change is the impending abstinence from alcohol once the on-hand supply runs out. This should coincide with Opeth on Saturday, so the timing is fairly fortuitous. This won’t be an absolute teetotal lifestyle as I’ll still have a few beers at concerts, but I’m going to at least give it a break during March and I’m going to try to resume more strict calorie and portion counting so I can lose some weight. On that note I went ahead and bought this Nintendo Switch and Ring Fit accessory, thinking I’ll give their fitness game a try. I’m hoping that some of these exercises will fire up some dormant upper body and core muscles that generally get ignored with my typical cardio only exercise habits. We’ll see.

Although I didn’t make a journal entry yesterday, I did watch the next JCO lecture on form, including one of her short stories. She has some interesting insights on how to add interest by approaching the traditional continuous chronological narrative in a different manner. Everything from making a story one continuous paragraph with no breaks, writing the story out of sequence, writing the story as a series of questions and answers, or only as answers. She even talked about visually altering the medium, e.g. typing out the text in the shape of objects like a tree. I’m not sure I would do this for a normal prose story, but it might be a cool approach for a lyric sheet to a song.

Her short story “Heat” was an interesting approach to narrative in that it seemed to be told by a friend of two young girls who were murdered when they were in seventh grade. Some of the paragraphs seem to be through the eyes of the friend (assume it’s a she) when the girls were still alive, and some of it’s from points in the future, even many decades later. It jumps back and forth between when they were alive, to their funeral, to the distant future, and back. It gives some stark contrast to some mundane observations interspersed with some really dark revelations. It’s very effective.

Yesterday was an overall successful day. As mentioned I studied Korean, drawing, and practiced drums, keys, and bass. As always, progress is slow and incremental but that’s the nature of the multidisciplinary beast. It’s interesting that JCO’s lecture on form coincides with my reading “Dracula” because that’s exactly how Bram Stoker approached his narrative. The story plays out in a series of narratives told through journal entries and correspondence, so you have a limited third-person view and must do a lot of the work to understand what’s transpiring. Most of us probably already know how the story plays out, so it’s not quite as nebulous, but I imagine this must have been a new and provocative take on narrative when it debuted.

Monday, Monday

I’m not even sure of the context of that song, I think it’s sort of melancholy? At least based on the tone, it is. I never bothered listening closely. Mondays have taken on a decidedly different feel for me after switching to fee basis. During a workweek, they are my version of Sunday and there are a few errands I need to run, but otherwise, they’re not the typical dreaded day most full-timers experience. I suppose Tuesday would be my Monday, but in comparison to most of my adult life, it’s also my Wednesday since I only work three days at the most. I didn’t take me long to acclimate to the new schedule when I switched from full time and 18-20 workdays a month down to 9 max. I’ve said before on my regular blog, there’s no way I could go back now.

One of the challenges of daily journaling in JCO’s context is the amount of new input. Spending most of my days at home and following a fairly repetitive schedule, it’s a challenge to think of new things to talk about. In the daily ritual department, yesterday was an “off” day I decided to grant myself and I spent more time reading as well as attempting to bake some bread. The bread would probably past muster in medieval England, but here and now it needs some work. Still, both Aeyong and I had some for breakfast so it wasn’t a total wash.

I finished another chapter in the Victorian House book, this one titled “The Parlor”. The book is broken down by the typical rooms in the Victorian era home, but each chapter wanders from the confines of the structure to its relationship to society at large. This chapter focused heavily on the shifting roles of women. Although much change was yet to come, the beliefs that women were subservient to their husbands and could fill no more important role than raising children and supporting their husbands were being called into question. It’s funny to see parallels even in our modern era between long-held beliefs that people just can’t let go, having become so ingrained in their psyches. “It’s how we’ve always done it” is a phrase that still gets used regularly.

I had finished “Song of the Black Sword” and was thinking about starting a more classic novel, and I initially had considered either “Slaughterhouse-Five” or “The Maltese Falcon”, but ended up settling on “Dracula”, a nice hybrid horror/classic to scratch a few itches. There’s something compelling about fantastic and speculative fiction from earlier eras. I think it’s a mixture of the different syntax, the complexity of thought, and deliberate expression, combined with imaginations that while unfettered in one sense, were still informed by the age from which they sprang. It’s my first time actually reading the novel, although it’s a story that’s very familiar to me. I’m realizing that Francis Ford Coppola’s version was fairly consistent with the book, even down to the diary entries. I’m really enjoying it so far.

The cyclical...

…nature of my health habits is pretty consistent. I start getting bloated and overweight feeling (and weighing, although I usually avoid confirmation via the scale at this point) and this eventually leads me to swear off beer and snacks for a few months. It’s been a long while since I recommitted to that, and I’m consciously avoiding the scale, knowing I’ve let my weight creep up. It’s on me, but I have allowed the recent passing of Neil Peart and Lyle Mays to justify additional beer drinking in a nightly ritual of remembrance. However, this has segued into just a nightly routine of beer drinking along with television or reading.

So, it’s about time to get serious about calorie counting again. This is the method that has worked in the past, I have to be disciplined about it. If it were just extra weight without other adverse side effects, I’d probably ignore it, but it starts to affect my sleep and increased the various musculoskeletal maladies as well. Anywho, I’ve got enough beer on hand at present to get through next week, and with Opeth on Saturday, that will close things out for February and I’ll make March an abstinence month. I’ll see how I’m feeling and if it seems my weight's dropping, I’ll eventually step on the scale again. I’d like to at least get below 200 again, even though my ideal weight is probably 170-180 (based on being somewhat wiry underneath the layers of suet), I know just getting below that threshold results in feeling and sleeping better.

Now, on to the more fun stuff. Yesterday was a fairly solid day, with the requisite drums, keys, bass, exercise, dog walk, Korean study, and nearly thirty minutes of drawing. My writing yesterday was the journal, and I watched the next JCO lecture on addressing taboos. I’ve decided to try and plug along in her lecture series and choose the writing exercises a la carte because it seems like if you take on all her suggested writing and reading, the series will take a couple of years to finish, at least at the rate I read and write. The taboo lecture was very powerful. I gather a lot of her writing focuses on these sorts of topics. I haven’t read any of her stories to my memory, but I plan to rectify that gap. She highlights the history of women writers and how in the past, they were discouraged from writing in general, but if they did write, it was supposed to be about domestic subjects in line with the accepted roles of women in a patriarchal society.

It’s interesting to hear how subjects like domestic abuse and rape were just not talked about as if ignoring them would make them go away. In many ways, we live in a more enlightened age where these former taboos can be addressed in the open, but I know there are still many societies around the world that haven’t moved on from those darker days. My wife’s home country of Korea is still largely patriarchal, and it’s still fairly pervasive as far as I know; daughters are expected to get married and have children. I don’t regularly interact with young Koreans, so I have a feeling this may be seeing a generational shift, along with many other significant cultural shifts that have happened in the age of the internet.

Particulars aside, I think JCO hits on an important point that’s shared by Neil Gaiman in that a writer tells stories to reveal a deeper truth. Often the most upsetting events in our life shape so much of who we become, although we often suppress those memories and will rarely talk about them, even with our closest loved ones. For me, writing and my other creative endeavors are a way of learning just who I am and what I care about. The expression of this truth can manifest in various mediums, but specifics aside, the act of creating is a way of transferring a part of oneself into another form and revealing a bit of who I am and what is important to me.

Another integral part of her lecture on taboo was the technique of elliptical writing. She used Oscar Wilde’s “The Picture of Dorian Gray” as an example of when taboo couldn’t be addressed directly, and so it was expressed in a vague enough manner that avoided the literal homoerotic and left it to the subtext. I’m not sure if I picked up on it when I read it as a teenager, although it wouldn’t have necessarily fazed me if I did. I plan on a re-read in the future. I think the elliptical approach is something I’ve already used, at least in songwriting and often in my natural language and these blogs. I think it’s not only a useful technique for one who may have been forced by their particular situation, but I think it can also be an effective means of leaving things open to interpretation and not being overly literal. It’s sort of analogous to Neil Gaiman’s “truth in the lies” approach, in that you’re expressing a thought, feeling, or theme but leaving it open to the reader to find their truth.

I should also mention I finished reading “The Song of the Black Sword” by Michael Moorcock. I’ve come to realize that Moorcock has a history of repackaging many of his stories, and so what I thought were some stories I hadn’t previously read were included in the original paperbacks I read all those years ago. Within many of those paperbacks were sections that were more like short stories but part of the overall narrative. The paperback book that was third in the original series I read “The Weird of the White Wolf” was comprised of three stories, “The Dreaming City,” “While the Gods Laugh,” and “The Singing Citadel.” I suppose these could stand on their own, but they make more sense as part of a narrative. The only significant difference between SOTBS and how I read the series originally is the later publication of “Fortress of the Pearl,” which now comes after “Elric of Melniboné” and before “The Sailor on the Seas of Fate.” It’s been such a long time since I read these originally that it’s like reading them anew.

I’m still plugging along on the “Inside the Victorian Home,” which has proven to be a great resource alike “The Time Traveler’s Guide to Medieval England.” It’s amazing how different our cultures were just a few hundred years ago. I need to pick my next novel to read, and I think I should shift back to a classic so I can eventually start to whittle down this behemoth of a TBR list. I think I’ll go easy on myself and at least pick something a bit shorter this time, and I’m eyeing “Slaughterhouse-Five” or maybe “The Maltese Falcon.”

It's Saturday, do you know where your journal entry is?

I’m still endeavoring to make this a daily habit, despite a few hiccups along the way. I have a tendency to get a little task or project stuck in my head that I’m compelled to finish and it ends up commandeering my time to the exclusion of a few normal daily tasks. Yesterday it started with importing the new Metheny album and Rush’s “All the World’s a Stage”, which I finally got on CD after all these years. My sister Dianna had bought the vinyl for me years ago and I still have that, but I didn’t have a version in my digital library. Well, as often happens I noticed a few omissions in the library, which is a “feature” of iTunes I’ve come to notice in the past few years.

Random albums and songs will just disappear from your library for no apparent reason. When you have a library as big as mine, it’s easy to miss for a long time. When I do notice it, and I’m at my computer, I try to rectify the problem right then. I think I’m going to just keep a running log when I notice discrepancies and then fix the omissions when I get time. All that to say, I spent a bit of time yesterday re-importing some albums I’ve had for thirty years, e.g. most of my R.E.M. albums were just missing, no idea why. I’ve also had an issue with my external CD drive where it has an audio drop out on the first imported track of any given album and you get the pleasant digital click, the musical version of nails on chalkboard. I fixed a few of those errors too, but there are still some lingering that I’ll have to deal with as I notice them again. I think I figured out the solution, which is just to skip the auto import function and manually hit the import button on iTunes. I don’t understand why that would make a difference, but it seems to be working.

These sorts of issues can tend to distract, but there are just certain areas of my life that I don’t like to tolerate errors or disorder. It’s funny in that some of my favorite stories involve chaos and disorder, such as Roger Zelazny’s “Amber” and “The Courts of Chaos” or Michael Moorcock’s “Multiverse”, which I’ve been re-visiting via Elric here lately. Some of the best story fodder is just the sort of thing that I can’t stand in my personal life. I don’t consider myself a control freak when it comes to others, I’d just as soon not get involved, but when it comes to my own life I don’t abide others who try to manipulate or control.

That aside, yesterday was a decent day overall. I ticked most of the boxes - exercised, walked the dogs, practiced drums, vocals, guitar, studied Korean and did some drawing in the Ink course. I attempted to make Pizza from scratch (mainly the dough, I didn’t make the other ingredients) and it was marginally successful. The dough rose as expected and the texture was okay, a bit chewy since I used regular flour. I’ve learned that bread flour is necessary for the more crunchy type crust. The other demerit would be for flavor. I think it needed more salt and sugar, it just tasted a bit bland to me. I’m going to experiment with various sauces and toppings in the future. The basic approach to making the dough is straightforward enough and it reminded me of my Mr Jim’s days.

The only negative from yesterday is I didn’t devote much time to writing (again). I’m not deliberately avoiding it, I think I’m still trying to find the ideal daily rhythm that capitalizes on the best time for a certain type of headspace. There’s a general level of mental energy and creative motivation that crosses all those different disciplines, but each has its own unique set of mental, physical, and spiritual (no, I’m not waxing religious here) demands. I find it easy enough to journal this early in the morning because I don’t need to have a particular analytical or methodical mindset, it’s more stream of consciousness than anything. I understand that first story drafts are often written this way as well, and it may eventually become my habit to write earlier in the day. I’ve also got to consider as the warm weather returns to Texas, one big portion of my day (at least an hour-ish) for exercising and walking the dogs must take place in the earlier morning hours. It becomes prohibitively hot after 9 am for a large swathe of the year, generally May to October.

I feel like I’m sort of languishing on guitar here of late. I subscribed to the “Cracking the Code” website, run by Troy Grady who I interviewed a few years ago for a class. Like many of my other classes, I just need to devote the time.

On drums I’ve been starting my practice sessions with the heel-toe kick pedal technique that many metal drummers use, and it’s slowly coming along. Getting the pedals setup just right is an important first step, and I think I’ve got them setup fairly well. At present I’ve just been practicing one foot at a time, and unsurprisingly, the right foot has come along quicker than the left, no doubt due to the left foot being mostly ignored in the time I’ve been playing drums.

I had a brief go at playing both feet together, and there for just a bit I was able to get it running smoothly and suddenly I was starting to sound like a speed metal drummer. It was fun to reach that plateau and realize that progress is being made. I’ve still got a long way to go before this is really under my feet so to speak. I need to be able to quickly transition between this double stroke and the single stroke and to incorporate it into songs as opposed to just isolated practice drills which is where I spend most of my time.

I’ve also slowly been practicing parts of “Anthem” by Rush, and it’s also gradually coming along. Although these milestones are often far away, I look forward to being able to master the entire tune on all three instruments and record a video of my performance. This is what it’s all about, even if purely for my own entertainment. I also hope to incorporate these learned techniques into my own songs. Anywho, enough of my yapping.

So, Yesterday was a bit of a wash...

Yesterday was my second of two workdays in a row (how can I bear the grind?) and due to overindulging on Tuesday night (three beers within 1-2 hours of bedtime counts for me), I didn’t exercise before work, so I needed to take care of that after getting home. Yesterday was fairly productive work-wise, two cases for a total of 22 DBQs and $1980 dollarinos. The second case was a BVA Remand so that took considerable time what with record review and assorted tasks. Still, a long day as a fee basis examiner tends to result in a larger paycheck for the effort, so it’s generally not a negative thing even if you’re more tired.

All that aside, I wasn’t quite ready to swear off beer for one of my programmed breaks just yet, deciding to make March the next beer free month. This is a habit I’ve adopted in recent years, and it honestly should apply to anything I start to find as negative habit forming. My biggest problem with beer isn’t full blown alcohol abuse or worse, it just becomes habitual every evening after I’ve finished all my productive tasks for the day, and when I start looking forward to it, it’s time to take a mandatory break. I’ve never felt dependent on alcohol or anything else, but it can become a habit if you let it.

All that to say, yesterday I was getting some beer delivered and there were problems with the order that resulted in a trip back for the delivery driver and further delay in getting on with my day, so by the time all was said and done it was nearly 5:30pm and I wasn’t feeling the energy to practice or study. Tuesday was also a less than fully productive day in that although I practiced drums, vocals, and guitar, I didn’t study further afterwards. On Tuesday I finally received my King of Tone pedal from AnalogMan after being on the waiting list for nearly three years. This resulted in extended noodleage that sucked up my remaining motivation for further study.

I’ve got to sort out my analog signal chain and setup, as modest as it still is at present. Right now I’ve just got the H&K Grandmeister, King of Tone, and a Strymon Big Sky Reverb pedal. The H&K has some decent built in effects (Reverb, Delay, Modulation) but they don’t trump the AxeFx or the aforementioned pedals. I typically have been using the AxeFx and will continue to do so, but I want to setup the H&K and pedals in such a way that I can quickly fire them up and make tweaks in real time. I’ve ordered a riser for my NYC pedalboard, and I’m thinking there’s not a good way to use the FC-12 controller for the AxeFx with this setup because it hogs up too much space. I may make the NYC pedalboard purely for my analog signal chain, I’ll have to see what seems feasible after I get the riser.

In the past I would get frustrated when I wasn’t able to finish my daily practice/study goals, and if that became a habit I would still get angsty, but I’ve learned to accept that some days for various reasons you shouldn’t reasonably expect to tick every box. Somedays you’re too tired, lacking in motivation, whatevs. As long as I don’t let several days in a row pass, I’m usually okay with it, especially if there pressing matters elsewhere.

Frauds, Roombas, and Contraband...

…is a statement that has no relevance to this post, but it was fun to say. Back to work today for the grueling two-day workweek. It’s tough, but some of us are hewn from ancient granite. It was surprising three years ago when I switched over to fee basis, how quickly I adjusted to the then three-day workweek. Within the space of two weeks, I knew I could never go back to a full time five day a week job. I know that’s not an option for most people, and I would work that schedule if I didn’t have a choice, but now I do. Shifting from spending most of your time working and all the ancillary tasks in a typical life gave little spare time for other pursuits. That’s probably the single greatest gift of the job change, all the additional time for creative disciplines.

My typical schedule had been three days/week for three weeks and then the fourth week off, but I’ve adjusted it slightly. Lately, the available work has taken a bit of a hit, plus I’m waiting for a new salary waiver approval to come down, so I’ve switched to two days/week for three weeks, followed by a one-day work week. This is intended to allow me to stay within my current salary limit of $153K, which thankfully seems permanent in case the waivers don’t get re-approved. Under that system, I was able to earn $210K, but it was a national program that needed renewal every two years. We’re still waiting since the last one expired at the end of 2019. As it stands I’m working seven days a month, but will switch back to nine if the waiver comes through. All this in effort to pay our house off by April of next year, after which time I may dial back to seven or even six days a month. My schedule has also taken a slight hit because our overall exam requests have been down for the past few months.

Part of this is external, but part is how many exams our clinic is allowing us to take on. I’m still not entirely sure how that number gets determined, and it puts the fee basis providers at the mercy of the actual number of exams we accept. When the numbers are high, I have no problem getting big exams, and my typical day will just be one patient. Here lately, those larger exams are scarce, and so I’ve even had them cancel the odd day when I couldn’t get an ideal patient. Other providers will see multiple patients with smaller exams, but my preference is always one patient with a big case that can take care of my entire workload goal at once. We get paid by the number of individual exams within each claim, so one patient could have twenty (or more) exams in one visit. I’d much rather perform twenty exams with one patient than one exam with twenty patients. The latter is much more time consuming, and there will always be people running late or canceling in those numbers.

Enough about work, this journal isn’t necessarily supposed to be about anything specific, but I want to tailor it towards the creative, predominately writing, but any of the disciplines can come into play. Yesterday was a good day. I took care of the daily requisite - ran five miles, walked the dogs, shopped for workweek supplies (sandwiches for lunch and sundry groceries), practiced drums, keys, bass, studied Korean, and spent some time drawing. I hung a bunch of new LOTR paintings (like I needed more) with the use of a new laser level after our old trusty died (I think we’ve had it for 15-20 years). This new one is quite novel; it fires a laser in a 360° circle both horizontally and vertically. I mounted it to a mic stand and just raised it to the height at which I wanted to hang the pictures. The biggest challenge was standing on the step ladder on the bed, not the safest approach I’ll admit. It was either that or move the king-size bed, so I diced with the devil and came out a winner.

I’ve found that surrounding yourself with the things you love is a great mood lifter and adds to the sense of comfort and tranquility to the home. If something makes me happy, I try to surround myself with it and give constant reminders to myself regularly. The result is that our home (primarily my upstairs domain) is adorned with posters and art, centered mostly on music and movies. The living area has an entire wall of bookshelves that I’m close to filling, and this is the third in the triad of happiness for my life - music, books, movies. Within the books (and to a degree, the music and films) are the many other subjects and disciplines in which I find interest - science, history, writing, drawing, philosophy, comics, video games, etc. It provides an excellent environment that enhances all these creative efforts.

Not counting the journal, I didn’t spend a great deal of time studying any writing or working on any of the courses or works in progress. The journal felt like it was at least exercising those muscles, and after I had finished all the other disciplines, I did take some time to complete the chapter (the drawing-room) I was reading in the Victorian home book. I decided to forego any television, and read a few chapters in the Elric collection “Song of the Black Sword.” The order of his narrative is a bit different than the publishing order, as has been determined by Michael Moorcock, so my reading order is different than when I read the books as a teenager. The last novella was “Fortress of the Pearl,” and now I’m reading “Sailor on the Seas of Fate.” I remember scarce little from the first time I read this about forty years ago, so it’s like a new story all over again.

I thought that although it didn’t occur to me back then, Elric and much of Moorcock’s work is so different from Tolkien, who even to this day has remained a considerable influence (in no small part due to the movies). Elric is sometimes labeled as dark fantasy, and I suppose that’s as good a description as any. His stories are often as much about asking existential and philosophical questions as they are fodder for action and the typical fantasy tropes of the hero’s journey with classic archetypes. He does go on journeys, and there are villains and heroes alike, but Elric is never the wide-eyed and earnest character so often portrayed. He rejected his role as emperor of a declining and barbaric civilization and set out looking for answers to life’s most important questions, or at least an escape from a life that had lost meaning. Sometimes I wonder if Moorcock did acid or smoked a lot of weed, there are elements of psychedelia to some of the stories, but maybe he just had a fertile imagination. I enjoy the stories either way.