2020 was a year

So much of the focus of this past year has been on the negative, overwhelmingly centered on the Coronavirus Pandemic and all of its effects. For me, the most unfortunate aspect was just how inadequate and irresponsible were the reactions of individuals, leaders, and governments. There was no escaping the impact that such a new and deadly virus was going to have on society, but the devastation could have been mitigated to a greater degree, and the loss of life, jobs, and social safety nets could have been greatly minimized.

An analysis of this fallout must include the myriad of consequences. I was, like many others, personally affected when I lost my primary means of income shortly after the pandemic made its full effect known in the US. Arguably the single most devastating acute change I’ve experienced in my adult life, at least from an economic standpoint. Thankfully, my choice to make the Army a career and the pension resulting from that became our primary safety net and kept us in good stead for the lean times to come. Even with this, it wasn’t permanently sustainable.

A result of the layoff (and ultimate termination) was a blank canvas upon which to fill each day. As I’ve discussed before, although I never succumbed to depression or an emotional breakdown, there was definitely a mild funk that persisted for several months. It ultimately was a lack of direction stemming from all the uncertainty. I long ago realized that I must have a target for which I’m aiming, whether it’s creative, financial, professional, etc. The loss of income put so many goals in doubt that it became difficult to focus my efforts.

I didn’t let it keep me from my core disciplines and I continued to practice guitar and drums. I can’t specifically recall what my typical days were like back then, although I started to spend more time playing video games and other sorts of passive activities as I’ve previously discussed. Prior to the pandemic I had renewed my efforts to learn writing, drawing, and studying the Korean language. These fell by the wayside for several months as I had problems finding the motivation to keep all these disciplines going.

Eventually, I think near late summer or early fall, the slow re-opening of medical care and society in general started to hint at better days to come. This slowly helped renew my desire to restart these pursuits and I’ve settled back into a routine encompassing all my disciplines - guitar, drums, keys, bass, vocals, writing, drawing, and studying Korean. I’m still trying to sort out the optimal battle rhythm since I only recently returned to work and that’s been a big shift from the previous eight months.

All this rambling to say that despite the negative consequences of last year, it hasn’t been all doom and gloom. The challenge of the virus was met with an unprecedented effort to develop a vaccine and in an achievement that I would compare to the Apollo Space Program for its audacity and technical wizardry, several companies developed not only viable, but highly effective versions of a vaccine, several of which were using mRna, a complete paradigm shift in vaccinations. Sadly, our current administration is screwing up the rollout, but I’m not sure anyone expected anything else.

The good news is that here in the US we elected a new president/vp and in a few weeks, we’ll usher in a new era and a return to normalcy, at least in the executive branch. Another positive change has been the demonstration that remote work and learning is not only viable, it’s likely a superior alternative to many traditional processes in business and education. Why should we make people drive day in and day out to an office or classroom when they could achieve the same goals and processes from their homes? There will always be industries and jobs that can’t be done remotely, but we’ve definitely shifted the focus more in the last year than we might have in ten years pre-pandemic.

The most important lesson I’ve learned is that we’re not really that far removed from being able to sustain our lifestyle without me working at all. I don’t plan on fully retiring anytime soon (if ever), but I know now that within a few years and having achieved a few economic milestones, we can sustain a fully retired lifestyle indefinitely. I’ll likely always want to work a little bit for discretionary income purposes, but now we have a better idea of how life would look with no additional income.

Reflecting on this, I’m grateful. I’m grateful for the life we’ve been able to carve out after many decades of hard work. We didn’t suffer or feel deprived in the least, and I know there are millions if not billions of people who had a much harder time of this last year, and in many cases have always had a harder time of it. The biggest burden on us was mild anxiety about our economic future and whether we’d be able to endure additional economic hardships beyond the loss of work. Thankfully, that was the worst of it as we managed to make it through without any big disasters.

I should also take the time to mention that we lost some of my all time most important musical influences this year, ironically not due to the pandemic but to other health issues, I think cancer in all three cases. Early this year in January we lost Neil Peart, arguably as big of an influence on me as any other musician, especially considering his lyrics and prose. Not long after, we lost the brilliant musician and composer, Lyle Mays, the longtime musical partner of Pat Metheny and an amazing artist in his own right. He brought so much joy and wonder to so many people over the years. Finally, in October the world of rock and guitar specifically lost a man who arguably had a bigger influence than any other in history, Eddie Van Halen. It’s impossible to calculate just how important and far reaching Eddie’s influence has been on rock guitar. Often cited for his revolutionary approach to tapping and soloing, it’s his rhythm, riffs, and songwriting that are probably the most important elements of his style. Losing these three greats was just another kick in the gut to add to the misery of this year.

Thankfully, the year ended on a high note as I finally was able to return to work, albeit for a different employer. The eventual dismissal from the VA, my employer for the last nine years, was handled pretty callously and lacking in respect from the leadership in my former clinic, but I suppose I was a bit naive in assuming the best about certain people. It’s in the past now. As part of that scenario, the work seems to have mostly shifted to the contractors, so that’s where I followed it and now find myself working for one of them. I never predicted anything as universally devastating as a pandemic, but my belief that there would always be work for disability examiners has been proven true thus far.

My goals for this year are largely consistent with what they’ve always been. I want to continue improving my craft at the various disciplines, ultimately in the service of storytelling in various mediums. I am hoping in the near term to finally record and submit that audition for the guitar program at Berklee and hopefully begin a dual major track starting with the spring semester in a few months. I’ll have to adapt my battle rhythm yet again, but I suppose that’s always going to be a more fluid aspect of my daily efforts.

I hope this year has helped distill what’s most important in everyone’s lives, I think it has in mine.

wisdom from the professor

A few days ago I had ordered a Guitar World tribute issue about Eddie Van Halen, and I realized that I had failed to do so for Neil Peart. My loss because it appears the Modern Drummer issue is sold out and it’s a scalper’s market at present. I did find a cover story compendium by MD, including the story from the tribue issue, so I’ve bought that but I assume the tribute issue is a more broad coverage of Neil’s career, so I’ll remain on the lookout for a more reasonably priced option. Right now, the cheapest is running around $150, which is a bit rich for a magazine that probably sold for under $20 at release. All that said, by chance a collection of Neil quotes popped into my news feed today, and there are some really good ones, a few I don’t remember hearing before.

The 11 best Neil Peart quotes about life

1 - ”The important thing is: if you fail once, or if your luck is bad this time, the dream is still there. A dream is only over if you give it up-or if it comes true.”

2 – “I can worship Nature, and that fulfills my need for miracles and beauty. Art gives a spiritual depth to existence — I can find worlds bigger and deeper than my own in music, paintings, and books. And from my friends and family I receive the highest benediction, emotional contact, and personal affirmation.”

“I can bow before the works of Man, from buildings to babies, and that fulfills my need for wonder. I can believe in the sanctity of Life, and that becomes the Revealed Word, to live my life as I believe it should be, not as I’m told to by self-appointed guides.”

3 – “It is impossible to follow the teachings of Jesus Christ and be a Republican. It’s philosophically absolutely opposed – if they could only think about what they were saying for a minute. That’s when you get caught up in the webs of what people call themselves and how they behave.”

4 – “I read recently that all of us can be defined in adult life by the way others perceived us in high school. I know [people] who had the popular, good-looking path in high school; they tend not to do so well. It was a little bit too easy for them, where for those of us who struggled in every sense, perhaps our determination and self-reliance and discipline were reinforced by that.”

5 – “You just become adaptable and try to lead a good life in ways that make sense, regardless. Because I know at the end of it, if I’m going to meet Jesus or Allah or Buddha, I’m going to be all right.”

6 – “I remain the optimist: you just do your best and hope for the best. But it’s an evolving state of mind.”

7 – “When I’m riding my motorcycle, I’m glad to be alive. When I stop riding my motorcycle, I’m glad to be alive.”

8 – “There’s a new reality born every minute. Unless one is a believer in predestination (in which case I’ll call the prestidigitator). Or other puppet-like restraints on our powers, one is free to imagine and effect changes on the world.”
“And if enough people do it, there are big changes. These things happen. Anything can.”

9 – “Adventures suck when you’re having them.”

10 – “If you want something done right, just forget it.”

11 – “With people too, you constantly think, “If I’m nice to people and treat them well, they’ll appreciate it and behave better.” They won’t. But it’s still not a bad way to live.”

so quiet, it's spooky...

To be filed under the “why the hell didn’t I think of this sooner?” category of studio management, it recently occurred to me that I might relocate my RAID and other hard drive enclosure to my closet, for the purpose of noise reduction. Of all the negative things I could say about Apple as a company, they have consistently striven for near silet to silent operation on their laptops and desktops. The iMac Pro I bought in April 2018 is no exception. Straight out of the box, there is no appreciable external noise. Maybe if you put your ear up against the chassis you might hear a little something, but background noise in our relatively quiet home is enough to cover it.

When I first bought it, I also purchased this Akitio Hard Drive enclosure with TB3. This allowed me a single device to put several of the internal HDDs and SSDs since the iMac doesn’t allow any expansion. There was some additional noise when the HDDs would be accessed, but for the most part it was pretty quiet and didn’t contribute any significant noise on its own. Fast forward to November of that year, and I was looking for a bigger storage solution. Storage needs for audio has had a slow and predictable curve over the years, but once I got into digital photography and filmmaking, especially at higher resolutions like 4K, the needs jumped exponentially.

I settled on a Promise Technology RAID array with six 4TB drives in a single enclosure. With a RAID 5 configuration I had a solution that offered redundancy as well as some increased speed. Although the redundancy requires some sacrifice of drive space, I still had 20TB of new storage space, which was massive at the time. What I also had, was a noisy new enclosure that required cooling fans to run constantly during operation. This was a stark change from what I had at baseline with the iMac, but I guess I just accepted it since I was happy to get so much new storage space. So much room for activities!

I reconciled myself with the option of shutting the unit off when I wanted to record with microphones. I have used that option a few times, and although a slight inconvenience, it wasn’t that big of a problem. The real issue is that I had this constant background noise in my studio when I would prefer as little noise as possible.

After awhile the noise became distracting enough that I decided to at least move it down behind my desk and shield it with a rectangle of cardboard in service of the bespoke aesthetic for which I’m known. Since it was originally sitting on the desk directly behind my monitor, just positioning it down below the desk made a difference and yes, even the custom cardboard remnant deflected a bit of sound.

I’m not sure it would have been an option back then, but for whatever reason it only occurred to me recently that I might reduce this sound even further by moving the enclosures into the adjacent closet. At present there are some relatively reasonable longer cable options for the higher speed TB cables, but that’s only up to 6.6 feet based on my exhaustive search of about five minutes. I saw longer cables, but they become prohibitively expensive at lengths beyond 6.6 feet. My first idea was the closet in my studio, but the problem is that’s also my vocal booth so I’d be setting myself up for the same issue when wanting to track vocals. I initially just got one longer cable for the RAID, but quickly realized I needed a longer TB-to-DisplayPort cable for my other monitor.

After making the initial change, there was definite improvement, but now I was hearing the Time Machine disk constantly reading from within the Akitio enclosure. I realized the best solution is to move both enclosures not to my vocal closet, but to the thankfully adjacent closet of my drum room. The distance required is essentially the same since the iMac sits in line with where the two closet abut each other on the other side of the wall. The only negative is that the drum room closet is also my amp closet, but I’m rarely recording the amp sound, and when I do it’s probably loud enough that any hard drive noise will be negligible, but if desired, I can always shut down the enclosures temporarily.

All that long-winded explanation (I feel like there’s a theme here) to say that is so, so quiet in my studio now. I really can’t detect those hard drive enclosures now. The only way sound could make it into this space from those drives is through a golf ball diameterish hole where the cables snake through. The noise level isn’t high enough to be heard through the wall, and I have enough cables going through that opening now that sound doesn’t seem to be getting through there either.

Now, when I sit here with nothing playing on the speakers, the only sound I hear is the fish tank running downstairs. At first I thought my ears were playing tricks because the sound of the pump at that distance was relatively similar to the hard drive enclosures, but after a few seconds I realized I was only hearing it over my left shoulder. It’s funny because now that I’ve removed the most offending noise source, I’m hearing the tank and the HVAC. These noise levels are probably not worth fretting over, although I’m likely to shut off the HVAC (temporarily) and I always shut the studio door when I record.

This reminds me of my class on noise and hearing conservation that I took for my Masters of Public Health. The three main approaches to noise control in order of preference are industrial, administrative, and PPE (personal protective equipment.) Industrial controls are typically built-in, permanent type solutions like enclosures built around noisy equipment as well as locating noisy equipment in separate rooms or floors of a building. Relocating the hard drives to another room (closet) is essentially an industrial control. I can also employ an administrative control of shutting off equipment when I need to record. Some might argue that’s a hybrid of both, but in any case I have options.

Why I didn’t think of this in the first place is probably a reflection of the tunnel vision I can sometimes get when enamored of a new piece of kit, in this case the big, new, shiny RAID array with so much more space. It’s a chronic bad habit of mine, but one I strive to overcome when the thought occurs. I often rush in on instinct when a slower and more deliberate planning and execution would serve me better. I endeavor to figure this shit out someday. Don’t wait up.

RIP Eddie Van Halen, 1955-2020

This year has just kept us reeling. It’s still too early to process and the pervasive undercurrent of numbness leaves me feeling disconnected like all the other endless bad news. It can’t be overstated how important Eddie was to rock music and the guitar. Often held up there with Jimi Hendrix as the biggest milestone players in the history of guitar, I’ve always felt Eddie’s influence was more pervasive. There were definitely more Eddie clones in the years following his debut album when he single-handedly turned rock music upside down. Most rock fans, especially guitarists, can still remember the first time they heard Van Halen I and Eddie’s rock guitar manifesto, Eruption. I was around 11 years old, and my sister was blasting that first album in her room. I remember just thinking that this was something otherworldly, I couldn’t conceive these sounds as emanating from one player and one guitar. It still blows my mind a bit, even forty plus years later.

Eddie has always been one of my Mt. Rushmore guitarists, going back all those years, even before I decided to pick up the instrument. He was the total package - rhythm, groove, touch, tone, melody, harmony, riffs, composition. Eddie never seemed to approach the instrument casually, he was always driven by a greater need than most of us ever possess or can understand. The stories of Eddie sitting in his room, playing the guitar for twelve hours straight, may strike some as apocryphal, but I’ve never doubted them. One only need listen to that first album and understand he had been playing less than ten years to appreciate his dedication to the instrument.

The guitar and music have gone in myriad directions since those early days, and in many ways popular music has left those 70’s and 80’s icons behind, but Eddie’s influence remains today and will persist into the future. Music lost a champion and icon and it will never see his like again. RIP Eddie, your spirit will always remain.

RIP Lyle Mays

Indeed the soundtrack of my late teens and all the years after, Lyle Mays and his work with Pat Metheny left an indelible mark. Sadly, his candle burned out much earlier than any of us could have expected. Just about a month after Neil Peart’s passing, we got the news; it’s been a rough year for my musical heroes. It’s hard to quantify just how important he was to the band and how important his music has been in my life. Lyle was the heart of the Pat Metheny Group, an anchor in the sound and often giving a backdrop from which Pat could roam freely. But, he was also a fantastic soloist and improviser in his own right and would always find the perfect counterpoint and contrast to Pat’s melodic wanderings.

The music of the PMG was something that captured my heart in a time of my life when everything was possible, and I still had this naive and boundless optimism about the future, both for myself and humanity. I’m still a dreamer at heart, and although time has tempered my faith in others, it hasn’t diminished my love for Lyle’s music, and it’s a devastating loss to see him go so young. Even more bittersweet to learn from Pat that they were planning on collaborating again, and maybe revisiting or adding on to As Falls Wichita. I can only find comfort in the vast body of work he was able to create and know that it will always be there for the millions of others touched by his music. RIP brother, I’ll miss you dearly.

Crystallizing Goals

In a presumably recurring theme (I didn’t bother to check the archives), I’ve been taking stock of my long term goals. Neil Peart’s passing brought the importance of a few key figures into stark relief and made me reassess where I was on the path. I’ve said it many times, as far as music is concerned, I’ve always held certain artists and typically key songs of theirs as benchmarks or milestones that I wanted to master before I felt “satisfied” as a musician, at least in a technical, facilitative sort of context. In music, it’s a fairly short list of the usual suspects comprised of individuals and/or bands. 

Mastering all (musical) parts of a band’s songs can be a heady achievement, at least in the genres I prefer. I don’t delude myself into believing this will be easy or is foreordained. It’s the process of pursuit as much as the achievement that I find valuable. All that preamble aside, the point of this post was just to update my list and perhaps use that as a new metric or at least a means of quantifying where I’m at and where I’m going. So, without further delay, here ‘tis.

Songs

Band                                    Song                                 Parts

Rush                                    Tom Sawyer                    Guitar, Bass, Drums, Keys
The Spirit of Radio
Xanadu
La Villa Strangiato
Subdivisions
YYZ
Limelight
Natural Science
Digital Man
Freewill

Yes Heart of the Sunrise Guitar, Bass, Drums, Keys
And You And I
South Side of the Sky

Honestly, as far as band covers go, this list will keep me busy for years. I’m relatively close and capable of the guitars on all of these, but I’ve got a long way to go on drums, bass (especially Rush) and keys. I put this list as just a reminder to myself and a sort of update to similar lists I’ve created in the past. My philosophy towards musicianship is to always have a song that is several levels above your current ability that you are pursuing, even if very incrementally. 

My “secondary” list here is for songs that are primarily focused on one part, as opposed to entire band covers. 

Band/Artist Song Parts

Eric Johnson Cliffs of Dover Guitar
Van Halen Eruption Guitar
I’m The One
Hot For Teacher

Tommy Emmanuel Endless Road Guitar

There are many other songs I would like to add to my repertoire and that’s still the ongoing plan. This list is just sort of a condensed focus on the songs I not only love and want to play, but also the songs that will hopefully help me inculcate the components of these various musician’s styles that I admire. 

Like the tale, the list grows in the telling (or passage of time) so this will likely change going forward, but it’s actually still fairly close to the first lists of this nature I made several years ago. 

Still Mourning

It’s several days after the news broke about Neil’s passing and I’m still having a hard time processing the loss. Tributes continue and sparse details have trickled out from friends and musicians who were aware of Neil’s diagnosis. I’m experiencing this grief in waves, similar to the loss of my parents, close family and our pets. You’ll see an image, read a passage of lyrics or prose, or hear a song and it will all come back suddenly. I’ve been reading through Ghost Rider, watched a bit of Rush In Rio, and I’ve listened to several interviews or retrospectives that have been posted online.

We will pay the price,
But we will not count the cost

I think many Rush fans are coming to terms with just how significant the band and Neil have been in their lives. This pain goes deeper than almost any I’ve ever felt. There’s just such a weight to the loss, decades of music and words. I’ve seen a few people say it was like losing their father or uncle. I think most of us felt this way. The paradox with Neil was that he was private to a fault and very uncomfortable with adulation from strangers. We all know the famous line from Limelight - “I can’t pretend a stranger is a long awaited friend”. Despite this, in his lyrics and prose, Neil was very open and descriptive about his thoughts and feelings on so many subjects. I think we all found ourselves connecting with him on each album Rush released and each book he wrote.

Neil lived a life of passion and curiosity, something for which we all should strive. He read, traveled, and just experienced more than many lifetimes worth compared to most of us. The great irony and tragedy in Neil’s life were that those who he held most dear were torn away from him suddenly and it was several years before we knew that he would make it back among us, although forever scarred by the loss. Fast forward to their last tour and Neil’s retirement, not just from Rush, but from drumming. We all lamented the end of our favorite band, but we understood and celebrated Neil’s chance to live out his autumn years and watch his daughter grow one day at a time. Sadly, it seems like it may have only been months after the final show that he was given the terminal diagnosis. It all seems so unfair, and as Neil described in “Ghost Rider”, the idea of karma tends to fall apart. What did he do to deserve this fate? Nothing, not a damn thing. The universe doesn’t care about you, it never did. Draw some joy and fulfillment from every waking moment if you can, because one day it will be over, maybe much sooner than you expect.

A caller into Eddie Trunk last night was saying he had a friend in the Rush camp and apparently Neil was in hospice as of November, although he claims he was held to complete secrecy. There’s no way to verify this, but it has the ring of truth at least. I’m not sure why, but that little bit of additional information at least gave some closure, even if it’s reliability is in question. He also said that as of Monday last week, Neil had become unresponsive and it was on Tuesday that he passed.

Eddie Trunk had briefly touched on the idea of what the future might hold. Until Neil’s death, I think most of us thought there still might be a little gas in the tank, whether a one-off performance, a new song, a book, whatever. Now we know that Rush is truly over and we have their body of work to comfort us in the years to come. Eddie talked about the possibility of a memorial show, and although I think it’s way too early, the idea does have some appeal. Something along the lines of Freddie Mercury’s Tribute Concert would be a beautiful way to celebrate Neil’s life. They could bring on any number of the scores of great musicians who cite Rush and Neil as big influences. I think we’d all love to see the likes of Mike Portnoy, Gavin Harrison, Marco Minneman, etc. get behind the kit and play one with Geddy and Alex or at least their respective bands performing a Rush tune. Dedicate the proceeds to cancer research. I also would love if Neil had written anything in those final years that we might eventually see its release, although I would totally understand if he didn’t have the will to write something or if it was kept private for those he loved dearest.

Even if nothing new comes from Rush and/or Neil in the future, I’ll forever cherish the great memories, music, and words that have brought great wisdom and provided such fulfillment all these long years. RIP Neil, I love you and I’ll miss you so much.

There have been a few pictures that made their way into social media, including these two below. The first appears to have been a get together with bandmates Geddy & Alex and producer Kevin Shirley, who brought the heavy Rush back on Counterparts. Below that is Neil with his long time drum tech, Lorne (Gump) Wheaton. It’s clear Neil had lost a lot of weight and his health was fading, but nice to see him smiling with those he loved the most. I only hope his dearest friends and family had time to say goodbye, I’m assuming the knew and did.

Farewell, Professor

It was via a text from my old friend, Matt, that I first learned of Neil Peart’s passing. It was a gut punch out of nowhere as most of us had no idea Neil’s situation was dire, just assuming he was enjoying his life after retiring from music back in 2015 at the end of Rush’s final tour. Soon, the tributes came pouring in from far and wide, posts from professional musicians and his legions of fans worldwide. Most of us knew we had said goodbye to the band as an active entity, but I think we also expected we had many years before we would have to say a final goodbye to our heroes.

I held hope that we might get some more books and maybe even some music, even if they never toured again. Alex and Geddy’s answers to questions about the band’s future had been a bit more final sounding in recent years, but I don’t think anyone thought it meant someone had a terminal illness.

It’s still hard to process how big this loss is to me. Rush has always been my favorite band for so much more than the music. Neil, Alex, and Geddy have always represented everything I’ve held dear in life. They’re all incredible musicians, fathers, husbands, family members, friends, and citizens of the world. My world view is very close to theirs, whether we’re talking religion, politics, philosophy, work ethic, etc. I’d easily be friends with any of them if they were just regular guys from work or the neighborhood. I think most Rush fans have seen them more as family than as these lofty rock icons, which they all are.

Neil was the voice of Rush. His lyrics changed with the times and as the band grew older they morphed from the concerns of youth to those of adulthood and spanned the micro to the macrocosmic. Early forays into fantasy, science fiction and the philosophy of Ayn Rand moved on to real science, religion, history, current events, etc. and captured everything from the wide-angle lens down to the intimate and personal. If there was an issue I cared about during the last forty years, there’s a good chance that Neil and Rush wrote a song about it that evoked the essence beautifully and distilled it down to a level that portrayed the significance perfectly.

There are so many songs and verses that have stuck with me over the years. I’ve said many times that “Subdivisions” was the most specific song that directly reflected exactly what my life was about at a moment in time. None before or since have nailed it so perfectly. I’m the geeky kid walking alone on the sidewalk in the video, then and today. Neil and Rush told me it was okay to be that kid, that it was a story just as important as those popular kids riding in their open convertible laughing at us loners on the fringes.

Any escape might help to smooth
The unattractive truth
But the suburbs have no charms to soothe
The restless dreams of youth

Too many hands on my time
Too many feelings
Too many things on my mind
When I leave, I don't know
What I'm hoping to find
When I leave, I don't know
What I'm leaving behind

You know how that rabbit feels
Going under your speeding wheels
Bright images flashing by
Like windshields towards a fly
Frozen in the fatal climb
But the wheels of time
Just pass you by
Wheels can take you around
Wheels can cut you down

If we burn our wings
Flying too close to the sun
If the moment of glory
Is over before it's begun
If the dream is won
Though everything is lost
We will pay the price
But we will not count the cost

When the dust has cleared
And victory denied
A summit too lofty
River a little too wide
If we keep our pride
Though paradise is lost
We will pay the price
But we will not count the cost

And if the music stops
There's only the sound of the rain
All the hope and glory
All the sacrifice in vain
(And) If love remains
Though everything is lost
We will pay the price
But we will not count the cost

There are so many more moments of perfection in Neil, Alex and Geddy’s body of work, it’s impossible to capture succinctly. I’ll be grieving Neil’s passing for a long time coming, and I’ll be revisiting the music, videos, books, and the mountain of Rush memorabilia I have scattered around my house. I’ve lost one of my greatest heroes and there’s no replacing him.

A Few Milestones

Today marks nine years since my retirement from the Army, and it’s been overwhelmingly positive in retrospect. I got a good job, moved back home, and have spent a significant amount of time furthering my development as a musician, songwriter, and producer. There have been ebbs and flows over these years, some times of drama, but mostly a nice steady arc to the days. We got a great house six years ago, and I’ve been enrolled at Berklee Online for the past several years. Aeyong has turned our yard and house into a natural conservatory of sorts, and we’ve got a beautiful green space that envelops our house and will only shelter us further with time. We lost Bridget to the inevitable march of time, but have since welcomed Skittles, our Chihuahua mix and resident spoiled princess of the brood.

I spent about five and half years working the regular grind as a federal employee, but about two and a half years ago I switched to “Fee Basis” which is somewhat equivalent to a contractor, but without the contract. I get paid directly for the work and there’s no ongoing agreement or contract that binds either the VA or myself. That being said, our clinic has had Fee Basis examiners the entire time I’ve been there and long before as far as I know. That switch is probably the single biggest improvement in quality of life I’ve ever experienced, even compared to my retirement from the Army. I went from working full time to working nine days a month and earning twice as much. This is largely predicated by my ability to perform a large number of exams and handle complex cases that the regular federales don’t like to bother with. It’s really been a perfect storm of an employment situation for me.

I’ve had significantly more time to work on my various passions, and I’ve added filmmaking, video editing, video effects, drawing, and writing to the multitude of musical disciplines that provide great fulfillment and purpose to my life. As part of the added boon of income, we’ve been paying our mortgage off at more than triple the required amount, and so we’re hopefully going to see it paid off in the next two years, about twenty two years ahead of schedule. There’s one big milestone that we need to pass, and that’s another salary waiver approval for Fee Basis employees. The VA has been allowing Fee Basis to earn double their normal authorized annual salaries due to shortages of personnel and it’s been a policy that’s required renewal every two years. This year marks the end of a two year period, so we just need one more approval. By all signs it should happen because the VA has been one of the departments that’s seen expansion under the last several administrations.

Once the house is paid off, I intend to keep working at about the same rate I do now, but being completely debt free will put us in a position where we could probably survive without me working at all. I like the extra security of financial surplus, not to mention discretionary income, so I imagine I’ll keep working indefinitely, albeit on the reduced schedule which will eventually decrease even further. A lot more has happened over the last nine years - we’ve both passed fifty and it’s receding below the horizon, we’ve attended a lot of great concerts, and taken a few small trips. We plan to travel more once the house is paid off, although we’re limited by our dogs and some health issues. It can also be argued we’re both home bodies who really enjoy living in our own little world.

File under short term milestone, I’ve quit practicing any musical instruments for the past month, trying to get this chronic elbow tendonitis to fade away. It’s been in the left elbow for almost two years, and the right elbow started acting up a few months ago. It’s just the cumulative effect of playing so many different instruments - guitar, bass, drums, keyboards. It got worse when I bought acoustic drums and had been working on my double stroke by repetitively practicing the stick bounce off the drum head. That shock is transferred directly to my lateral elbow and it really has taken its toll. The problem with the elbows is that we’re constantly using them, and even something as trivial as picking up a coffee cup or tearing a piece of paper can tweak the injury. I have seen some improvement in the symptoms, so I’m hoping to start gradually re-introducing some practice to my schedule starting next month.

One benefit of the extra time is that I rekindled my interest in drawing and writing (which have been gathering dust for years) and I’ve made some progress, although I have a long way to go. I look forward to combining all my various disciplines into great storytelling in the future.

Disconnecting

In a theme visited before, I’ve decided to break away from Facebook, at least as far as having a personal account. I find that at its best, it’s mostly a distraction. I don’t have anything significantly negative to say about it, just that most things related to FB are superficial and don’t provide long term value. I’m not condemning the superficial in general, I enjoy watching mindless movies and television (to an extent) that only provide the momentary entertainment, and will continue to do so. I find with FB that my hopes and aspirations are generally so self contained, that they don’t change through that lens at all. As Neil Peart so wisely wrote, “Sometimes our big splashes are just ripples in the pool.”

That’s not necessarily bad, it’s just there’s such a disconnection between the amount of effort you put into a project compared to the typical feedback that it starts to dilute or obscure the value of your creative work. The long term value of anything I produce is admittedly only of lasting value to me, as much for the love of the process as the product. I had hoped FB would be a nice ancillary means of staying connected and socializing, but it just seems that for me I don’t typically get a benefit from the shared experience in that I’m either not interested in what people are posting, or I have a negative reaction to it. That’s totally on me, I’m not judging anyone else for what they post or care about, it’s very personal. I think it probably gets back to the fact I’m inherently a lone wolf by nature, and although FB was a nice controllable(ish) means of social interaction, it’s just never felt like it was enhancing my life. In fact, it’s mostly felt like a distraction that was taking my attention away from more important things with lasting value.

That’s not to stay I’ve sworn off FB completely. I have an anonymous account (friendless) that I use to stay up to date with bands, authors, etc. - essentially all the stuff I love that has a strong FB presence where they often choose to announce major events like concerts, album releases, etc. I’d hate to miss a presale announcement for someone I truly love just because I wasn’t checking in to FB in a timely manner. The nice thing about this account is that it’s purely for that, there’s no social interaction otherwise.

For my creative work, I’m obviously maintaining this blog and will continue to primarily use YouTube, although I may start posting more to Vimeo. No one really gives a shit, including my wife, so I’m just doing this for myself, which has always been the case in the first place. I’m already reaping some rewards in that I’ve been able to focus more on study and composition. I just started to flesh out another new tune after completing the recent “If Tomorrow Comes.”

Ecstasy

“If I can’t get ecstasy, then I don’t know what I’m doing in the business.”

— George Massenburg

From a tutorial about recording a singer songwriter with Fab Dupont. Says it all.

Failures - the greatest teacher

A collaboration with another guitarist fell through recently. I think that ultimately the issue was one of communication. The other guitarist had suggested we work on a song together. Having not really collaborated with anyone, I was eager for a chance to see what it could bring. I suggested a cover song by a band that featured two guitarists in dual lead type roles so that we would both have a sort of chance to shine. Now, full disclosure, this other guitarist is advanced beyond my current abilities. He’s posted covers of Van Halen, Eric Johnson, Yngwie and many other great guitarists. I had no illusions going in that I was going to need to raise my game.

I suggested something by Judas Priest, Iron Maiden, Thin Lizzy or some equivalent band, assuming the hard rock or metal genres would be more to his liking. He suggested “Bloodstone” by Judas Priest, I’m sure in large part because there are multi tracks available and we could use the original vocals and other parts as needed. So, we’ve been working on this project for a couple of months now. I’ve done all of the heavy lifting when it comes to the mix, and the video editing as well.

He had waited until I recorded drums before starting on his parts, since drums are typically always going to be the foundation. I finally recorded drums about a month ago and we’ve been slowly adding bass, rhythm and he had finished all his parts to include the entire solo. His parts sound great, he clearly has honed his cover game.

I had been a bit lazy in listening to the original track, as I've never really cared about getting a cover exactly note for note. Some may say that’s a cop out, and they may be partially right, but I know for certain that I just don’t care about trying to mimic someone else’s song to the nth degree. That being said, I do see the value in learning the most difficult parts, just to raise your playing to a level you apparently aspire if you like a song well enough to cover it.

So, as I started to record my parts, he quickly noted some problems. I was playing a rhythm part differently than him, and he wanted our parts to match up. I think he’s ultimately correct in this case, it probably does sound better for the rhythm parts to lock step. So, I fixed that in fairly short order as it was a simple oversight. But, it does start to illustrate where small fractures were forming.

Without ever discussing it specifically, I gather he assumed we were going for a faithful rendition of the original. Now, as I said before, that’s really not my thing. I honestly don’t get it, you’re never going to sound as good as the original and what would be the point? I get it as an academic sort of exercise, because you can learn a lot about the player, the recording and songwriting process in general. But, when I’m recording a cover I try to stay close, but I don’t sweat small variations.

I had been making regular comments and suggestions about how I would record my parts and I had stated early on that I wanted to divide the solos up, so that we both would have our chance to wail a bit. This song is like many Judas Priest songs in that both Glenn Tipton and K.K. Downing have solos. The Glenn Tipton is the initial solo and it’s a pretty laid back and easy part. It’s followed by K.K. Downing, and his solo is “The Solo” of the song. It was my intention all along that we would divide both sections so we both would have part of the Tipton and K.K. bits.

The K.K. solo wails from the onset, and there are two fairly distinct parts to it. The first part is a single position sort of classic rock riffy bendy part and then there’s slight pause and a fast descending triplet bit. I’ve been working on the whole thing, but I knew I was going to take longer for the second half. I had said a few times that I thought I would divide it up that way, with him getting the bulk of K.K.’s solo including the descending bit and some other bits after before there’s this pedal ascending section we could play in unison.

Like always, I have to divide my time among many disciplines - guitar, keys, drums, bass, vocals, video editing, visual effects, cinematography, model building, etc. I don’t choose to spread my focus in so many directions, it’s just about following my muse. So, it had taken me awhile to finally get where I thought I had a passable version of the solo.

Another note is that I had been using tablature that although perhaps wasn’t note for note accurate, it was pretty close to the original. The original track is very noisy, and there are definitely parts in there where it’s a true challenge to hear what K.K. is playing. All that to say I wasn’t sweating getting it exactly “right”. I don’t see the point.

Well, I recorded my solos yesterday and frankly I thought my part of K.K.’s solo was my best playing on the song so far. I don’t mean it was the best playing on the song in general, I just know myself and I was happy with my take. I was a bit surprised when I very quickly got negative feedback from the other guitarist. I didn’t save the conversation but it was essentially “I don’t like it.” Now, in fairness that may be just be unbridled truth. I gather he wants to get it note for note and in that metric, it’s definitely going to fall short.

What I didn’t hear was what specifically he didn’t like about it. Tone, bends/intonation, rhythm, clarity, vibe, all of the above? He suggested I take the Tipton bits, he play the KK bits, and then we play the last pedal bit in unison. If we were in a JP cover band and we played other songs where I would get “The Solo”, the scenario would be different.

I think the fundamental problem here is that we both see ourselves as lead guitarists. I’m not trying to argue I’m of his caliber, at least not yet. My idea with dividing the tracks up was so that we both would get a moment to share the lead but I was still deferring more than half to him, and it’s the more challenging/impressive part of the solo.

Without saying it, I’m getting the feeling he’s always seen his role as the main lead guitarist and I was the rhythm guitarist who might chip in with a simple line or two. There’s nothing sinister about him feeling that way, it’s just not how I see myself. If he had suggested I work on the part some more and made specific mention of what he felt was falling short on my part I would have likely listened and made an attempt to get closer to his expectation. I still don’t see the point, but I was trying to be a team player.

All that to say, I felt the tone of our whole collaboration went demonstrably south when he criticized my part, suggested he play the whole thing without giving me an out to fix whatever the problem was. I didn’t ask for that, and maybe he would have been receptive if I had, but I feel like I’m right in assuming he wants the lead and has all along.

Which is totally cool. I get it. I’m cut from the same cloth. So, after all this very considerable rambling, I realize this project was probably doomed to failure from the start and I’m just as complicit. I’ve known that I likely would never want to be in a band with another lead guitarist. I know there are many great bands who have successfully achieved this relationship, but a big part of my assumed band role is going to be as a songwriter and I’m not likely to want to turn over guitar roles to another player. I have no problem with another instrument doing their own thing, but I want my own space dictated by me, not someone else.

I thought we could find a happy medium where we would both get a chance to shine, but I feel like he wants to be the Lead Guitarist in any scenario. I’ve learned that I will not likely function well in collaboration with other guitarists, at least if they see themselves as lead guitarists with an equal editorial say.

The only negative thing to come out of this is I think it’s probably put a strain on our friendship and that’s too bad. The blame is probably on me. If I feel like someone is being disingenuous (note, feel, not know) about something I just lose trust and it puts up a wall. Ultimately this is just a cover video, it’s not important in the grand scheme of things. But, I start to wonder at all the positive comments made in the past and how genuine they were and how genuine any in the future would be. I felt like I finally got the real opinions about my playing, and unfortunately they were distinctly different from all others before.

As always, failures are the greatest teacher. I have learned that I really need to work more on my playing, both for playing entire takes at a level adequate for recording audio and/or video and that I’m not at a level as a soloist that I want to be. I’ve also learned that before going into a project with anyone I need to ensure that roles are strictly spelled out. I doubt I’ll do a similar project anytime in the future. If I want someone to play on a track, I’ll likely finish all the other parts first and then let them know exactly what I need. I’m not saying I’ll never collaborate with another lead guitarist, but I’ll make sure I go in with eyes wide open next time.

G.A.S. Philosophy

Asking the Important Questions, Episode XXXVII - G.A.S. Philosophy.

So, fellow G.A.S.ers, (you know who you are), what's your philosophy of gear acquisition? (whether money is a consideration or not)

More is always better?

I only buy what I will use?

Buy all the things?

This is important, think of the children.

My personal approach (since you asked) is primarily based on the unique sound any given instrument (or gear in general) will provide. In descending order of importance it's usually - sound, feel/playability, appearance. They're all important, but it's a hierarchy.

I'm not compelled to own more than one version of any instrument, even though I know they can all sound different, even two guitars that came off an assembly line or equivalent on the same day. Most of my guitars were inspired (and named) by the players I have idolized for so long:

Les Paul - Jimmy

Strat - Eric (J)

Tele - Andy

Jackson - Eddie

355 - Alex

J Bass - Geddy

My other instruments all have specific uses, even if they weren’t necessarily inspired by certain players. The new PRS is an example. I don’t have any particular player who inspired me to get the PRS, I just know they’re great guitars and I’ve heard many people use them to great effect. I still have other instruments I plan to buy in the future, but it’s unlikely I’ll ever get a second version of any I already own. I will say that within the PRS lines, there are a few other versions that offer different sounds/pickup configs that I’ll likely consider.

Back to school

Back at the books tomorrow after a very long break. 2018 was a strange trip for many reasons. Drama on many levels, mostly external. A repetitive strain injury shifted my music focus for several months and its effects still linger, albeit not as limiting as before.

I’ve decided to accept that “Christmas Armistice” will not reach its final form for a long time. I think I have a path forward for a much improved version in the near future, but I’m putting my idealized version on the back burner as further study in new disciplines is required.

Ironically, the performance videos were once the “heavy lifting” part of these projects, but that’s now the easier component. It’s all the post production tasks that require an elevation of my skill set. My problem is that once I achieve one step in a project, my mind starts wandering and I get all these ideas that require a whole new set of skills.

Letter From Home Practice

I’m trying to slowly get back into the groove after the previously discussed elbow issue. This is an excerpt of me practicing Letter From Home (Jason Vieaux arrangement of the Pat Metheny song). It’s recorded with a Fuji XT-3 using the onboard mic, so the sound is a bit inferior and noisy compared to my usual condensers. The final version will be with a good condenser mic or two and I’m thinking I’ll use this as my audition for the Berklee Online guitar program.

Time Marches On

It’s been a relatively busy few months, but nothing of singular significance has warranted an update. I made some changes and upgrades to the home studio to include trading in the Apollo Quad 1st generation unit to Vintage King and replaced it with the newest iteration Apollo X 8P unit. This design is somewhat more oriented to patchbay use and so I also got a Switchcraft patchbay and a whole bunch of cabling for the studio. The rearrangement and running of cables took the better part of a few weeks. It’s mostly done now, although I’ve got the odd cable to run here and there.

All of these processes can be sort of slow and iterative based on other demands - work, exercise, etc. I’m still dialed back from full time musician mode because of the elbow, although it’s slowly getting better it still limits the amount of time I can spend playing every day. In the meantime I also traded in my Nikon D5300 to B&H Photo for the newest generation Fuji XT-3 mirrorless camera. I’m still figuring out how to use it, but I can already see the benefits. It’s an amazing camera. Along with this upgrade and the studio changes, I tried to straighten up and organize my various closets and so now I have a camera closet so to speak. I’ve decided to use the extra room with the WinPC as the video room and I’ve got a desk and green screen permanently set up. The closet now houses all my camera gear, and that stash is slowly growing. Every hobby (at least mine) tends have some gear fetishism and acquisition inherent to the process.

I cleaned up the amp closet as well and coiled all the newly extra cables after having changed to mostly snake cables for the patchbay setup. Because of the patchbay I’m now able to split one eight cable snake with four leads going to the vocal closet and four to the amp closet. So, now I have the Royer 122, SM57, and I was able to dust off my Sennheiser e906 dynamic mic and all three are in place for the 65 Amps 112 cab in the closet. I’m still using the default vocal booth setup with the Slate VMS One and SM7. This leaves me two left over leads in the vocal booth and one leftover lead in the amp closet. I also added a 16 channel passthrough to my main desk so I can plug in instrument mics and whatnot as needed. I’ve got one channel dedicated to the DI output from my H&K Grandmeister and I still need to run two outputs to the Matrix GT1000 for output to the Port City OS 212 I have in the main room.

The remainder of the ports are mostly redundant, but it will be nice when I need to mic up instruments or just plug in a vocal mic in the room. The switchbay is essentially ready for use at all times but a couple of the fairly common uses require a patch to be run, for instance the Avantone monitors need a patch cable to be heard. As these are only used to check the occasional mix, that need is fairly uncommon. Tweaks are sure to be necessary as I slowly transition back to a more music heavy mode again. These needs reveal themselves with the use of the gear.

Continuing on with switchbays, I had been holding off for several months as there is a new player in the game with Flock Audio, who are soon to release the first software controlled patchbay. I had wanted to wait until they were released but the release schedule hasn’t been confirmed and they have some fairly draconian return policies. As far as I can tell, you can only return/get a refund if the box is unopened. There doesn’t appear to be an option to return the unit if you decide it’s not what you wanted. For a unit that I think is going to run upwards of $2K, that’s a pretty big leap of faith. I’m going to wait until it’s been out in the wild for several months if not longer and see how the reviews look. It’s a great idea if it stacks up to the hype of Flock Audio. The ability to change routings through software with a few mouse clicks and to have presets saved for various arrangements is quite appealing.

In the meantime I’m glad I decided to go with the typical patchbay setup as it’s really streamlined operations as well as opening up some routing options that weren’t readily available in the past.

Repetitive Strain Injuries Can Go Smoke A Bowl

I’ve been dealing with some sort of lateral epicondylitis/peripheral nerve hybrid in my left elbow for several months now. I think it arose from the resumption of regular practice after the spring semester ear training downturn. I don’t remember any acute events, but as these things go it started to gradually rear its ugly head.

I’ve had point tenderness at the lateral epicondyle but there has also been this weird hot wire down the middle of my forearm sensation as well as a feeling that there was some sort of internal joint swelling or pressure in the elbow itself.

I’ve tried to cut back on my practice schedule, even going so far as taking several days off at time. Unfortunately, there are often seemingly trivial elbow movements in any ADLs that tweak the problem as well. Short of slinging the left arm and not using it, it’s almost unavoidable to not tweak it in some way several times a day.

Finger flexion against resistance is particularly bothersome, and so acoustic guitar and piano can be especially troubling. Despite this, I refuse to completely rest and let my skills atrophy, so I’ve just decided to work through the issue and try to apply some judicious work/rest scheduling. It does seem to be slowly improving, although it feels like it’s taking forever. I know I’ve been dealing with since June at least.

Xanadu Intro Test Run

An attempt at the intro volume swells using the AxeFx III and MFC 101 Pedal Board and Mission Engineering Expression Pedals. I haven't previously worked on volume pedal swells before learning this tune and still need some practice before the full song performance.

Alex III

I got the ES-355 VOS in classic white on Friday and I've had a little bit of time to mess around with it. This is the guitar I really wanted, it's got the vibe I was going for and no major problems. There were initially some small buzzing issues, but it arrived tuned to Eb and tuning up to standard cleared up most of that. It plays great and is very acoustically resonant (not surprising given it's a semi-hollow body). I was happy to discover that the gold hardware is more faded in real life compared to its saturated look in the picture. I'm guessing they thought that was a selling point, but I prefer the faded look. 

I'm having a bit of a Rushenaissance with the new guitar. My AxeFx III has been pretty neglected since I got it a few months ago, largely due to the etflp class. I've started to get back into tweaking it with the intent of recreating some of these classic sounds. I had a set of tutorials for the AxeFx II that I never completed but now the same instructor (Cooper Carter) is releasing a new set for the Axe III. I plan on going through those once available, but I'm already starting to experiment and get the Axe III in running shape. 

Someone on the the FAS forum had posted a tutorial about getting the MFC 101 Foot Controller (designed for the AxeII, but also a fully capable MIDI controller) running with the AxeFX III so I was able to get some basic functionality including patch changes, scenes, individual FX on/off, and expression pedals. I've still got a bit of tweaking, but my first experiment is going to be trying to record a cover video of Xanadu. I've got some plans for kimono/wig silliness as well. I'm hoping I can at least play the bass part as well, although there are a few challenging runs in there that I don't have down just yet. 

I might also record a few snippets of the drum part, but make it a joke since I can't play the whole thing by any means, at least not yet. Some of those triplets are still a year or more away. 

NGD III

In an uncharacteristic chain of events for Sweetwater, the replacement had problems and I've ended up sending it back and asking for a refund. The guitar seemed in good shape externally when I received it but it had this really annoying buzz emanating from inside the hollow body. I tried to tighten all accessible hardware but nothing helped. It sounded like a small washer or screw on the inside that hadn't been tightened down enough and had come loose at some point. It was distractingly loud at certain frequencies. 

The only way I was going to get it fixed was to take it to a tech or ship it back to Sweetwater. I was fed up at this point because it had been two weeks since I originally paid for the guitar and this represented the second time I was going to have go to extra lengths just to get a playable instrument. It was sent back and arrived at Sweetwater yesterday. I'm waiting on the refund now. 

In the meantime I decided to go after a VOS ES-355 that was closer to what I wanted in the first place. These were no longer being made by Gibson, but I found one in great condition on Reverb.com being sold by a reputable brick and mortar dealer in New York. It's on the way and arriving tomorrow. I feel fairly confident that this will turn out well and this guitar is a lot closer to what I wanted all along.