Arry Starry…until we meet again
I don’t believe in heaven, but there are times I wish I did. Yesterday was another dark day. We had to let our sweet Arya cross the rainbow bridge to join her sisters in the beyond. We had grown accustomed to our dogs living for ~ fifteen years, but Arya was just reaching twelve when her health took a nosedive.
Similar to April, she stopped eating and could no longer stand and walk on her own. We knew she had liver problems, but she had been managing them for several years with no apparent symptoms. Her appetite, activity level, and personality were the same as they’d always been. She had gone to the vet for a checkup and ear infection but either that night or the following day she deteriorated significantly.
We tried to nurse her back to health over a few days, but with no improvement, we took her to the emergency vet. We didn’t learn much other than her liver function had continued to decline and she had an enlarged heart that was starting to press on her airway. The vet also looked at her liver but couldn’t identify anything discrete like a tumor. As luck would have it, this particular vet had to be the most insensitive and ambivalent vet we’ve ever encountered. We didn’t have any other choices, so when she recommended a long list of medications, we took her advice and tried for several days to see if Arya would improve.
Other than occasional brief bursts of energy and appetite, she continued just to lie down and sleep. She needed help to stand, and we had to coax her to walk outside just to use the bathroom and get a little exercise. Her appetite was mostly gone, but Aeyong would still spoon-feed her, at times having to force food by dragging the spoon against her front teeth so it would fall in her mouth. Arya would normally chew and swallow food at that point. Taking medication was an absolute ordeal for her. The vet prescribed what we now feel was a ridiculous amount of medication, and in hindsight, I feel she was just trying to check all the boxes that the workup indicated without considering how difficult and stressful this would be for Arya.
Arya endured these daily medications, although they distressed her visibly. Arya’s condition just slowly deteriorated over several weeks. She was in increasing pain and was more and more resistant when we would try to get her up to drink or go outside. At times she would cry and snip at both Aeyong and me. This was completely out of character for her and just demonstrated how bad she was feeling.
Just like our previous girls, there came a time when Arya’s quality of life was gone and she was no longer her real self. Truthfully this started when she took that first nosedive after the vet. She would have brief episodes of apparent improvement, but they were short-lived, typically just a few minutes of increased activity occurring only once or twice a week.
I spent her final weeks sleeping with her on the floor, typically by the front window, one of her favorite spots. At times her breathing was very labored, at times it would slow to nearly normal. I think the only time she wasn’t in pain was when she slept. After giving her enough time to improve, I knew we had reached her new normal, which was not normal at all. I will fight for my dogs for as long as they’re willing, but at some point, you can see the fight has left their eyes and they just want the pain to end. Aeyong would continue to nurse them for as long as they drew breath, and I know she’s never completely comfortable with making the hardest decision.
After going back and forth several times, I finally expressed to her that we just had to make that final decision and release Arya from her pain. We love our dogs more than anything in this world, and it’s the hardest decision by far. We draw some comfort from the amount of love we could give to Arya over her lifetime and especially in her last weeks. She was constantly attended to and showered with love around the clock. At times, she would show her old self with a loving look or kiss, but she mostly just looked tired and bereft of her old joy.
We decided yesterday would be the day, and after spending the morning with her we drove to the emergency vet around mid-morning. We learned that the same uncaring vet was on duty, so we decided to come back later when another vet would be available. We took her back home and brought her and Skittles to our little subdivision park where Arya and our dogs had taken so many walks. The drive back and forth from the vet and the visit to the park seemed to brighten Arya’s spirit for a while and she even was able to leave her mark in her home stomping ground (High Hawk Park) one last time.
We went back home to wait for a few hours and all the activity seemed to drain whatever gas Arya had in the tank so she immediately fell asleep and slept soundly for a few hours. When the time came we took her outside with her sister and snapped some final family photos and let Skittles and Arya say their final goodbyes. We drove her back to the emergency vet.
Things moved pretty quickly and this time the vet was much more caring and considerate. Arya did pretty well getting the catheter placed, but when they brought her back to us she was visibly stressed and wanted us to take her home. We spent several minutes just hugging and kissing her and she slowly calmed down. We had her home blanket that held her and Skittle’s smell for her to lay on. Soon we knew it was time. The vet came in and briefly discussed Arya’s condition and expressed sympathy and that she understood Arya’s quality of life was gone and it was time to release her from her pain.
The vet administered a sedative to first put Arya to sleep, and she quickly nodded off in our arms. At this point she was fully asleep and not feeling any pain anymore. The vet followed that with the euthanasia medication (presumably sodium pentathol) and in a few seconds Arya’s chest fell and her heart stopped. She was leaving her physical body and approaching the rainbow bridge. We told her to say hello to her Onis (big sisters) Bridget and April, and told her she would meet her new big sister Lucy. We told to her run and play and feel her young self again. We asked her to find a place for our family and told her we’d join her someday. It doesn’t matter whether I believe it or not, it’s a daydream that gives me comfort.
I’m sorry you had to go Arya, you were my shadow and constant companion these last twelve years. My life was so much better for having you in it. I’ll never forget you, my sweet girl.